School jokes, Teacher Jokes

The way this game works is every time the word f**k is used (in any form, ex.
f**king, f**ker, etc.), or the word dude (in any form, ex. "his dudeliness, the dudester, etc.) is used, you take a drink. If you've seen the movie, you'll know that after five minutes of playing, you should be dialing 9-1-1. The main character's name is "Dude" and swearing, especially with the f-word, is quite excessive. Because both dude and f**k are used so much during the movie that we altered the rules to include that you can choose to only drink when one or the other word is said.
I can promise you this: Playing this game makes the movie make a lot more sense.

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Q: What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

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School Jokes Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes

Q: What was the geometry student looking for at the beach?
A: A tangent.

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School Jokes

Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming increasingly disillusioned with the public school system. One day he got an easy homework assignment. All he had to do was put each of the following words in a sentence. This is what he did....
Donny got an A.

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School Jokes

How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

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School Jokes Insult Jokes

A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Вuтт."
The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."
The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Вuтт."
The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Вuтт."
The girl exclaims, "Glad Аss - Happy Вuтт - what's the difference?"

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School Jokes

Two gаy men decide to have a baby.
They mix their sреrм and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.
''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.''
''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his аss.''

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School Jokes Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Baby Jokes Nurse jokes

College Grads:
A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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School Jokes Office and Work Jokes Science jokes

What do you call a fratboy in a suit?
The defendant.

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School Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous. But when she received the test, she was relieved to find out that it was a True or False exam. Immediately, she reached into her purse and pulled out a coin. Each time she flipped the coin she would write down an answer. "What are you doing?" the professor asked her.
"I'm figuring out the answers," the blonde replied.
To this, the professor just rolled his eyes and looked away. When she was done, the professor announced that there were five minutes left to go. "Oh my god!" she said in an excited voice, and started to flip the coin as fast as possible.

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School Jokes God Jokes Blonde Jokes

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't have a clue what I was doing (as cited on the final exam).
There were 80 multiple choice questions. For some reason I decided to play the game of probability and choose the letter "A" for everything. In that game, the only thing probable was that I failed.
The following day, the professor asked to see me after class. "Is everything okay?" "Sure," I said, "why? "Well, here's your test," he said and handed me a piece of paper that was covered with red ink. "Can you explain why you chose an 'A' for everything?"
Knowing that there was nothing I could do at this point, I said, "Well, I've always wanted to be an 'A' student."

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School Jokes

Three criminals are sentenced to exile in the desert and can only bring one personal item.
"I brought a loaf of bread, so when I get hungry, I'll have something to eat," said the first criminal.
"I brought a water skin, so that when I get thirsty, I'll have something to drink," said the second.
The third criminal looks proud of himself. "I brought a car door, so when it gets hot, I can roll down the window."

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School Jokes

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.
"Well," said the chaffeur, "I've got a good idea. Why don't I give the speech since I've heard it so many times?'' So Albert's chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn't answer
"Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I'll let my chauffeur answer it!"

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School Jokes

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Воnк (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Воnк after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus.
Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated, relieved and very proud of their story. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time Воnк had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page...
WHICH TIRE? (95 points)

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School Jokes Friendship Jokes Monday jokes

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Сосаinе from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Сrаск from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judаs" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judаs?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"

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School Jokes

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the соndом display. Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one соndом?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples - you know, January, February, March."

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School Jokes

Q: What is long and hard to a blonde?
A: Fourth grade.

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School Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Q: How many Northern Californians does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
A: Hella.

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School Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
"Would you like fries with that?"

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School Jokes Blonde Jokes

A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
"Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fаn of?"
"The Red Sox."
"Why's that?"
"Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fаn too."
"That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a моrоn too?"
"No, that would make me a Yankees fаn!"

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