School jokes, Teacher Jokes

A college psychology class was studing human reaction to sеxuаl stimulus and of special interest was the frequency of amorous relations.
''How many students here,'' said the professor, ''engage more than once a week?'' Five people raised their hands. ''And how many engage once a week?'' Ten hands went up. ''How many twice a month?'' Eight hands went up. ''Once a month?'' Four hands were raised. ''And how may once a year?'' A little guy in the back waved his hand frantically and giggled hysterically. ''If you engage only once a year,'' said the professor, ''I don't see what you're so overjoyed about.'' Flush with excitement, the little guy said, ''Yeah, but tonight's the night!''

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School Jokes

Q: Have you heard about the blonde psychology major working her way through college as a рrоsтiтuте?
A: For $50, she'll sсrеw with your mind.

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School Jokes Blonde Jokes Military Jokes

Q: What do you call a proton with big hair?
A: A 'froton.

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School Jokes

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgаr joke.
After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whоrеs in India? With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door. Wait, ladies, cried the professor, The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!

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School Jokes

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard, so he decides to get acquainted. After introductions, he asks the new neighbor what he does for a living. The new neighbor says, "I'm a professor."
The first neighbor then asks, "Oh yeah, what do you teach?"
"Logic," the professor responds.
"What is that?" the neighbor inquires. "Well, let me see if I can give you an example...you have a dog, right?"
"Yeah, that's right," neighbor #1 responds."And you have children too, right?" says the professor."Wow, right again!" exclaims the neighbor."So, then you must be married and that would make you a heterosexual, right?'' proclaims the professor."Unbelievable, you're absolutely correct. How do you know all this about me?"
"Well," the professor says, "I observed there was a dog house in your backyard, so you must have a dog. I also saw bicycles next to your garage, so you must have children. And if you have children, you are probably married and if your married, you are most likely heterosexual... it was all logical!"
The next afternoon, the neighbor runs into his old friend. His friend asks if he has met the new neighbor. The man says that he met him yesterday."What's he like?"
"Well," the man says, "he's nice and he is a professor of logic."
"Oh," says the friend, "what's logic?"
"Maybe I can give you an example. Do you have a dog house?"
"Why, no, I do not," responds the friend."
Well, then," proclaims the man, "you must be gаy!"

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School Jokes Dog jokes

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup.
As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red H on her chest. How did you get that mark on your chest? asks the doctor. Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love, she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue Y on her chest. How did you get that mark on your chest? asks the doctor. Oh, my boyfriend goes to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love, she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green M on her chest. Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan? asks the doctor. No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?

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School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

I thought it would be so easy to meet guys when I got out of college because it was very easy to meet guys in college.
I mean, this was really all you had to do to meet some guy in college: 'Oh my God, I am so wasted!'

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School Jokes

A group of students had a biology lab. As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope. But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were.
"Those are sреrм cells."

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School Jokes

Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.
"Good job. Now, what's this animal?"
"A dog!" said Ricky.
"Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."
"I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A hоrny ваsтаrd!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"
His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."
"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."
The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

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School Jokes

A question had appeared in a student's medical examination which read: "List four benefits of вrеаsт milk." A student began to answer the question: 1. No need to bottle it. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. But the fourth point eluded him.
When there were barely a couple of minutes before the exam ended, the fourth point flashed before his mind. So he completed the answer by writing: 4. Available in attractive containers.

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School Jokes

This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. "Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those dамn mice keep coming back."
"I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes."
"That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the dамn rodents."
About a week later the guy gets a call. "How's it going with the mice, buddy?"
"Not so good, dude."
"What's the problem?" his friend asks. "To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."

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School Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her teacher asked her a question. He inquired:
"What grows to 10 times its original size when excited?"
Jane blushed and said that she didn't know. Jimmy raised his hand and said,
"I know! The pupil of the eye." The teacher replied,
"Yes, very good Jimmy."
The the teacher turned to Jane and said,
"Jane I have three things to say to you:
One - you have a very dirтy mind.
Two - you haven't been studying hard enough. And three - you're going to be very disappointed!"

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School Jokes

An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico with Native Americans who told him the Legend of the Maidens. The tale went this way: "There are beautiful maidens who live in the cracks and crevices in this valley. If you hear them call, 'Woo Woo,' take off your clothes quickly and enter the cave. They will show you a fabulous time!"
Several days later, the headlines in the local newspaper read: "Body of Nакеd Auburn Student found in Tunnel, Run Over by Train."

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School Jokes American Jokes

D.A.M.
Q: What does D.A.M stand for?
A: Mothers Against Dyslexia.

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School Jokes

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after just having sеx. The guy lies on his side of the bed and rests. The girl rolls to her side of the bed and says to herself, "I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin."
The guy overhears her talking to herself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?"
"Well," the girl explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the man I love to lose my virginity."
Astounded, the guy replies, "So you really love me?"
"Oh God no!" the girl says. "I just got sick of waiting."

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School Jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes Love Jokes

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."
The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"
Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."
The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate ."
Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big воовs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Student jokes Communication Jokes Boob Jokes

How many Harvard men does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
One - he stands still and the world revolves around him.

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School Jokes Men jokes Light bulb jokes

On Monday morning, the teacher walked to the blackboard and noticed someone had written the word "реnis" in tiny letters. She turned around, but couldn't find the guilty face. She quickly erased it and began her class.
Tuesday, she was again greeted with "реnis" on the blackboard, written in larger letters. She looked around in vain for the culprit, and then proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning for the rest of the week, "реnis" was written on the board in larger and larger letters, and each time, the teacher furiously erased it. By Friday, she'd had enough.
"That's enough," she sputtered. "I - I can't believe this! Monday morning, I expect an explanation for this behavior!"
On Monday morning, the teacher confidently entered the classroom and found on the board: "Don't you know - the more you rub it, the вiggеr it gets?"

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School Jokes