School jokes, Teacher Jokes

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (At Least for the Male profs.)
4. Address the professor as "your excellency".
5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
9. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
10. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.
11. Wink at the professor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a dateif he/she is cute.)
12. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet#5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.
13. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.

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School Jokes

1.
Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!2. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good. 3. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock. 4. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you. 5. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too. 6. I'd like to sсrеw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it. 7. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous. 8. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants. 9. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon. 10. Baby, you must be tired cuz you have been running through my mind all night!!

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School Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.

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School Jokes

At a southern university, students in the psychology program attend their first class on emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," says the professor to a student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," says the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asks a young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," she says.
"And you, sir," he asks a young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replies, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up.'"

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School Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Men jokes

What's the difference between a hоокеr, a nymphomaniac, and a sorority sister?
The hоокеr says, ''Are you done already?''
The nyмрhо says, ''Oh no! You're not done already!?''
The sorority sister says, ''Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige.''

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School Jokes Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes

What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?
A circus has a cunning array of stunts

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School Jokes

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"
"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vоdка under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"
"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a реnis!"

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School Jokes Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: They live in schools.

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School Jokes Animal Jokes

The teacher was checking her student roster on the first day of school and saw that she was missing three boys and one girl. After a couple of minutes went by, a boy named John walked in and the teacher asked where he was.
He said, "Shree Hill."Then another student, named Bill, walked in and the teacher asked where he was. He also said, "Shree Hill."
Then the third boy, Shawn, walked in and the teacher asked him where he had been. And he said, "On top of Shree Hill."
Then, a girl walked in and the teacher asked, "Who are you?" And she said, "Shree Hill."

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School Jokes

Sеx Contract
SEX CONTRACTI, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and near-pregnancies in exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved fondling and fornication. I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or otherwise contact/harass or vex said co-signer of contract for a time of no less than thirty (30) days and nights after said activities have been fulfilled. I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors, misnomers and dirтy looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends, and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger. I will say "hi" if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly, if not neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of heretofore listed activities not leave underwear, earrings or other insignificant yet oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere in the co-signer's abode for the sole purpose of returning to said abode and breaking the no-contact agreement of this document. I furthermore state that I am of sound mind and desirable body, and will not call said co-signer by any other name than is his or her own, nor reminisce on some former slime-ball/great lover who wore the same cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will also pay one-half of all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity. Signed, _____________________________________ Fornicator At Large

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School Jokes

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.
Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

Possible Courses:
ESSENTIALS OF ВОNG DESIGN: Discover earth, water, wind, and fire as the tools you'll need to get rid of your syllabus... some killer hashish. SMUGGLING 101: Who says the party's over? Years of commerce have made this Northern culture an expert at turning a rестuм into a set of luggage. MEDIEVAL СОNDОМ USE: Even Sir Lancelot had a rash. Discover how centuries of crotch scratchers protected their privates with specially designed shields. THE DEVELOPMENT OF PUKE: Our native-born instructors take students from heaving to hurling. ARCHITECTURE OF EARLY MODERN BROTHELS: With the aid of walking tours and guest hоокеr lecturers.Thousands of foreign students are discovering the joyous wonder of learning about another culture while being sтоnеd off their аss! Just listen to what these former students had to say: "Yeah, man." - Sully, 20 "Amsterdam was... dude, I'm really hungry." - Daphne Ocampo, 19

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School Jokes Military Jokes

Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?
A: Bison

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School Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

It was Christmas Eve, and a lady hadn't had sеx in a long time, so she decided to wait for Santa. When he came down the chimney, she took off her shirt and said, "Ooh Santa, please stay."
And he said, "Но hо hо, guess I better go, gotta get toys to children, ya know."
So she took off her pants and said, "No no - please stay."
And he replied, "Но hо hо, guess I better go, gotta get toys to children, ya know."
So she took off everything else, and said, "Ooh, please stay."
And he said, "Hey hey hey, guess I better stay, can't get up the chimney with my d**k this way!"

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School Jokes

Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica?
A: He didn't need them any longer - his dамn wife knows everything.

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Q: Why is 88 better than 69?
A: Because you get ate twice.

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School Jokes

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory will be off limits to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"

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School Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes College jokes Student jokes

Q: How do you get a Maryland graduate off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Q: Why did Clemson choose orange as a school color?
A: So that the football team could wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up garbage for the rest of the week.
Q: Why did O.J. Simpson go to Raliegh, NC in the Ford Bronco?
A: He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.
Q: What are the longest three years of a Duke player's life?
A: His freshman year.
Q: Why did Georgia Tech replace the grass in its football stadium with astroturf?
A: They didn't want the cheerleaders to graze at halftime.
Q: Why do Wake Forest cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off the uniforms.
Q: How many Duke freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because that's a sophomore course at Florida State and Virginia.

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School Jokes

After an hour of gathering up his courage, a shy guy finally approaches the hot girl at the end of the bar. "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"
Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"

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School Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."

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School Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes