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There are three guys enjoying a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting them each one wish.
Now one of the guys just doesn’t believe it and says, “O. K., if you can really grant wishes, then double my I. Q.
The mermaid says, “Done!”
Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, “Triple my I. Q.”
And the mermaid replies, “Done!”
The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping scientists in various fields. The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends that he says to the mermaid, “Quintuple my I. Q.”
The mermaid looks at him and says, “You know, I normally don’t try to change other people’s minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you would reconsider.
The guy replies, “No, I want to increase my I. Q. times five and if you don’t do it, I won’t set you free.”
“Please,” says the mermaid, “You don’t know what your asking…it’ll change your entire view of the universe…won’t you ask for something else.. A million dollars, anything?”
But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I. Q. increased by five times it’s usual power.
So the mermaid sighed and said, “Done!”
And with that, he became a woman!
I was chatting up the gorgeous barmaid from my local last night when My mate said to me, “when I fcuked her, no matter how hard a tried I couldn’t get her to moan”
My other mate then said, “Yea, I had the same problem when I fcuked her”
“Ok then lads , watch and learn. When I leave here with this girl, follow me back to my house and I’ll keep bedroom window open so you can hear” I said with a smile on my face.
After a couple more drinks, me and the girl left with my mates following half hour later.
When they arrived at my house, all they could hear was this woman screaming and moaning.
The next day my mates said to me, “Fсuкing hеll, how did you manage that?
“Well lads” I replied, “in situations like that, you have to use your head”
A man walks into a bar, sits down next to a beautiful woman and says,
" Hi I'm Dave".
She looks at him and says,
"I know Dave, we went to high school together".
He says,
"I would have remembered you from high school."
She says,
"Dave, it's me Richard. I'm a woman now."
Dave looks at her in disbelief, "Wow, well they did a good job! Did it hurt when they gave you those вrеаsт?"
"No, they just gave me some pills to make them grow вiggеr."
"Well did it hurt when they uh, you know, down there?"
"No, its a pretty routine surgery now, just had a little discomfort. I have to tell you the worst pain with the whole thing is when they stuck a vacuum in my ear and suскеd out half of my brain."
A woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down.
The doctor asks her, “Well, what can I do for you madam?”
The patient blushes and the doctor sees that apparently she is embarrassed.
“You can discuss any matter with me, everything is strictly confidential.”
“My husband complains that my рussy smells bad, is there a cure for this?”
“Sure”, the doctor says, “It can be a fungus, or a little infection, nothing unusual, please undress and lay down, so I can examine you and prescribe a treatment.”
The woman undresses, gets up the table with her legs spread waits until the doctor attends her.
He comes in, walks towards here, starts gasping for air, covers his mouth and nose with a hand and runs out of the office. After a minute or so, he enters again, covering his mouth and nose with one hand an a 7 foot wooden stick with an iron hook on it in the other hand.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh, what will you do to me?” shouts the patient.
“Nothing”, says the doctor, “I’m just going to open the roof window a little.”
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are interviewing for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.
First, the panel of scientists asks the brunette, “If you could go to any planet, what planet would you choose and why?” She answers promptly, “I would go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet.”
Next, the panel asks the redhead the same question. Without any hesitation, she replies, “I’d like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.”
Finally, the NASA scientists ask the blonde the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. After pondering for several minutes, she finally answers, “I would go to the sun.”
Several scientists suppress a laugh, but the lead interviewer, trying to take the blonde seriously, explains, “Well, if you went to the sun, you’d burn to death almost instantaneously.”
The blond smirks and puts her hands on her hips. “Do you think I am fсuкing sтuрid! I’d go at night!”
OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down... Etc.
SOOOOoooooooooo I'm the only one who would be using Female products..... Correct?
A STRANGE thing was happening at my house. Tampons were disappearing. * Insert Twilight Zone theme here *
Ok.... A few months ago I went to my cupboard to get out a тамроn and there was ONLY one left. I could have sworn I had just bought a box the month before. So, I go back to the store, buy a new box and forget about it.
The next month (T. O. M) I go back to the cupboard..... And VOILA.... There is only ONE тамроn left again. What's going on here? Gremlins??? I go to the store and buy another box, and forget about it.
WELL..... I decided to clean out my two youngest sons closet and LOW and BEHOLD.... At the bottom of their closet are the wrappers, applicators and the tampons themselves.
I am starting to FREAK!!! Dear God, what are they doing with them??????
I get a hold of myself and tell myself that I am an adult and can handle this, despite the bizarre thoughts running through my mind. I'm thinking, "Do I have enough money saved up in the bank for MAJOR THERAPY?"
I go to the top of the stairs and yell for my two youngest sons to "COME HERE!!!!"
They march up the stairs and find me in their room staring into the bottom of their closet.
I said "What are you doing with THOSE? THOSE are MINE!"
My 12 year old looks like a deer caught in the headlights and is silent.
My 10 year old looks at me all innocent and says. "Well, Mom, we were playing with our G. I. Joes and stuff... and THOSE make really good SCUD missiles... What do YOU use them for?"
"Never mind!! Go play!!!!"