Women - Page 124

And God said to Adam - I will make you a woman.
What is a woman Lord?
God replies, “A woman will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will cook and clean for you and do everything that you ask without complaining. She will provide every sеxuаl fantasy you will ever think of and meet all your sеxuаl needs. She will bear your children and raise them without complaints. This woman will be the perfect companion for you.”
“Wow! That sounds great,” exclaimed Adam. “Where is she?”
“Not so fast,” said the Lord, “A woman this fantastic is going to cost you.”
“How much,” asked Adam
“An arm and leg,” God replied.
Adam thought about this for a moment, and then replied, “What can I get for a rib?”
And the rest is history!

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Why do bachelors like smart women? Because they're so rare.

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Jokes about Women Life Jokes

An elderly married couple enters a restaurant for dinner and orders some food. As the waiter serves the food on their table, the husband starts eating while the wife just looks at her platter.
Astonished by this rather unusual scene, a young man sitting besides goes over to their table and courteously asks the lady as to why is she only staring at but not eating her food, The women agreeably replies,
"Well son, we have only one set of dentures and today it's his turn first."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body
He’ll be born in February.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

They say that when a women hits you it's her way of flirting. I just grabbed this girls аss and she flirted me square in the ваlls.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

Kickass if you are a man, lame if you are a woman

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Jokes about Women Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Anti-Humor Jokes

Why dont professional Womans basketball games ever sell out? Because only 3% of women are lеsвiаns...

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Jokes about Women Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

My mate Dave the fireman was in a burning building the other day when he came across a trapped sеxy вusтy 19 year old blonde.
He said “you’re the 4th pregnant woman I’ve rescued this year”
She said “I’m not pregnant”
Dave said, “yeah, and you’re not fсuкing rescued yet either”

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes

A woman walks into a store that sells expensive rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she accidentally breaks wind. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident. She turns and sees that standing next to her is a salesman.
"Hello M'am. How may I help you today?"
Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir, how much does this rug cost?"
He answers, "Well, you broke wind just touching it. I'm anxious to see what happens when you hear the price."

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Jokes about Women

One morning a milkman called on one of his regular customers and was surprised to see a white bed sheet with a hole in the middle hanging up in her living room.
The housewife explained that she’d had a party the night before in which the company played “Who’s Whose” - each of the men had put their equipment through the hole and the women tried to guess their identity.
“Gee, that sounds like fun,” said the milkman. “Sure wish I’d been there.”
“You should have been,” said the housewife. “Your name came up three times.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman.
Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Money jokes

Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So it’s easier for them to stand next to the kitchen sink.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Why do cannibals not like divorced women?
Because they’re bitter.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.
"And what will your third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and said,
"Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said,
"But your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."
"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

I was in the crazy maze at Alton Towers the other day.
I turned a corner n there were 4 muslim women in burkha’s….
I shouted “U Ракi Сunтs” and ran for it… …
Best game of pac man I ever had!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A head-on collision occurred between a man and a woman. Both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished. The woman said,
"This is quite a predicament. We should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle." The man replied, "What a great idea; I just happen to have a bottle with me." With this he handed it to the man. The man downed half the bottle and handed it back. The woman would not take it back and said,
"I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A Police officer called over to the Station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes

I have just been interviewing people for a post at my work.
The first guy was fresh from university and very eager.
The second guy had a degree and five years experience.
The woman had two degrees and twelve years experience.
I am all for equal opportunities, so of course I employed the woman.
I’ll only have to pay her half as much.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

England's West Country is known for its charming cottage-like shops. While visiting the area, my friend peered in through one window to see shelf upon shelf of interesting looking books. So, she went inside.
A woman appeared through a beaded curtain and asked,
"Can I help you?"
"No, just browsing," said my friend.
"Fine," came the reply. "But, just so you know, around here, most people knock before entering someone's home."

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Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes

As long as the power button to the PlayStation is in the 'on' position, she just slipped to number two on your list of priorities. And no woman wants to slip. She don't wanna be behind your mama, your friends, your career -- certainly not John Madden.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes