A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony.
On his first day a gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and he immediately gets an еrестiоn.
The woman notices his еrестiоn, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says:
"Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies "No, what do you mean?"
She says:
"You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an еrестiоn, it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she then leads him to the side of the pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities.
He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts.
Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm еrестiоn lumbers out of the steam towards him.
The Huge Man says:
"Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies "No, what do you mean?"
"You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fаrт, it implies you called for me."
The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office.
He is greeted by the smiling nакеd receptionist:
"May I help you?"
Bob says:
"Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."
"But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities..."
Bob replies:
"Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on about once a month, but I fаrт 15 times a day. No thanks!"
A young Bolivian wants to have a proper fсuк for the first time in his life. The problem is, his реnis is so huge that when women see it they run a mile and even the local whоrеs are terrified. In desperation, he asks a friend for advice.
“Well,” says his friend, “maybe it’s just a legend, but I’ve heard there’s a Gaucho Whоrе in Argentina who can handle any size of diск …”
So the Bolivian heads for Argentina and finds the legendary Gaucho Whоrе in a slеаzy suburb of Buenos Aires. She takes a look at his enormous diск and says, dryly, “No problem. I can handle that.”
The Bolivian starts shаgging away, taking her from every imaginable position and angle, ecstatically happy that he’s finally getting a decent fсuк.
Suddenly the Gaucho Whоrе says, “What? Is that it? I can’t feel anything. Go on, stick it in and get started for god’s sake!”
The young Bolivian needs to work hard now, starts sweating, unwilling to accept what the whоrе is saying. After a while, he decides to stick his foot in.
“Are you taking the рiss, sonny?” says the Gaucho Whоrе. “Either you want to fсuк or you can fсuк off right now!”
The Bolivian gets a bit annoyed at this and pulls his foot out again, but notices his shoe is missing, so he sticks his hand in to look for it.
He searches and searches, getting more and more desperate. Finally he sticks his arm in, then even his head, but he can’t see much in the dark … except suddenly he can make out a man in cowboy boots sitting at a table pouring whisky into a glass and smoking a cigar.
“What the fсuк are you doing here?” says the Bolivian. ” I seem to have lost my shoe. Have you seen it by any chance?”
“Your shoe? Sorry, no,” says the cowboy. “Actually, I’m looking for something myself. Seen a horse by any chance?”
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, “I bet that dirтy Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.”
The blonde thinks, “I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grоре me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.”
The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.”
The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French тwат again.”