Office and Work Jokes

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One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. “You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman, “you should be working rather than lying on the beach! ”
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be? ”
“Well, you can get вiggеr nets and catch more fish! ” was the businessman’s answer. “And then what will my reward be? ” asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish! ”
“And then what will my reward be? ” asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a вiggеr boat, and hire some people to work for you! ” he said. “And then what will my reward be? ” repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you! ”
Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be? ” The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world! ”
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what the fсuк do you think I’m doing right now? “
This guy walks into a bar with a pet rabbit. He put the rabbit on the bar and says “Let me have a scotch and give the rabbit a вееr.”
The bartender says “I can give you the scotch but I can’t serve the rabbit a drink, we don’t serve animals here.”
The guy says “You don’t understand, this is a special rabbit.”
The bartender says “What’s so special about it?”
The guy says “This rabbit gives the best вlоw job in the world, Why don’t you take it into the office and give it a try.”
The bartender takes the rabbit into the office and come out about a half hour later saying “I want this rabbit, it was the best” How much for the rabbit?
The guy says “It’s not for sale.”
The bartender says “I’ll give you $5000.
The guy says “No.”
The bartender go to the safe and pulls out another $5000. and says “Here’s $10,000.
The guy still says no!
The bartender passes the hat in the bar and comes up with another $5000. and says “This is all I got please sell me the rabbit.”
The guys finally agrees.
That night, the bartender takes the rabbit home after closing the bar, walking into the kitchen where his wife is, he shows her the rabbit.
She says “A rabbit, what am I suppose to do with a rabbit?
The bartender says “Teach it how to cook then get the fсuк out”
A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven.
There are some criteria before entry is allowed.
For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No?
St. Peter told him that’s bad.
Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No?
St. Peter told him that that too was bad.
Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No?
St. Peter was becoming concerned. Exasperated, Peter says, “Look, everybody does something nice sometime.
Work with me, I’m trying to help. Now think!”
The man says, “There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Неll’s Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face”.
“Wow”, said Peter, “That’s impressive. When did this happen”?
“Oh, about 10 minutes ago”, replied the man.