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The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a ‘Mail Order Bride.’Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true. Tom assured him that it was.
The banker then asked Tom ‘How Old’ the new bride to be was. Tom proudly said, “She’ll be twenty one in November.”
Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sеxuаl appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.
Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it’s course.
Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fаn into Tom in town again. “How’s the new wife??” asked the banker. Tom proudly said, “Oh, she’s pregnant.”
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, “And how’s the hired hand.”
Without hesitating, Tom said, “She’s pregnant too.”
There was an ant hill were the ants would work hard everyday making little houses for them, and every week an elephant would pass by and step on the little hill. The ants got tired of this happening so they decided to have a meeting about it. In the meeting the main ant said,
"Fellow ants as you all know we are here to do something about this elephant," one of the ants raised his hand and yelled, "I have a plan, I have a plan".
"Go ahead, what’s your plan,” said the leader. "Ok, this is what we'll do, next week when the elephant passes by before he steps on our hill we all jump on him and beat him up, that should teach him a lesson".
The following week they waited for the elephant, "He's coming, he's coming!" said a little ant. "Ok this is it,” said the main ant "JUMP ON HIM!" So all the little ants jumped on the huge elephant.
When the elephant felt all the ants and he shook them all off, all of them except for one. All the ants that were on the ground saw the ant that remains right on the elephant’s neck, so from the ground the other ants yelled out "CHOKE HIM! CHOKE HIM!"
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny вrеаsтs.
Dr. Smith advised her, “Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want вiggеr воовiеs.”
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup воовs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely воовs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want вiggеr воовiеs.”
A guy sitting nearby looked at her, “By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith’s?”
“Why, yes I am… How did you know?”
He leaned closer, winked and whispered, “Hickory dickory dock…”
A small, terrible person continued on with his boring day. His meager existence continued to destroy his spirit. At least, it would if he had any. In fact, he had so little spirit, that he went to work in a hurricane they could only think of one name for, "Double Katrina". Yes, shiт got that real. Somehow he was able to file his taxes before the hurricane blew him towards Death Valley. While in Death Valley, he came across a gaping cave, void of any modern aesthetics. Carefully, he approached the back of the cave, only to realize that it was only the end of the entrance. Towards the right, was an old Apple desktop from the late eighty's, that usually only started up after a few beatings on its side. Yes, he proceeded to hear Dial up, seeing as it was too old and slow to do anything useful. Suddenly, kickasshumor . com popped up, and he clicked on the category which he felt resonated with him. He had only a few words. "Aww yeah, just like my diск." And that folks, is nearly every person who has realized that the person was a реnis himself, the hurricane was the quееf from his first wife. The gaping cave was Anderson Coopers аsshоlе, or the lack of a career he had, whichever. The apple desktop, was his image in a mirror: An overcompensator with no life, and devoid of any use.
(Above) That was me blowing your mind.