Office and Work Jokes

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gаy and the other a drunк.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gаy guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunк.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher’s widow said “you have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.
You should go into town and kick up your heels.”
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night. He returned around 2:30am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.
“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
“Now take off my boots.” He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
“Now take off my socks.” He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
“Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
“Now take off my вrа.” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said:
“If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired!
If Restaurants Functioned Like ...
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support.
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day changes every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir, the soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5.00
Fly Feature. . . . . . . . . . . . . . no charge
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . .$2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.00