Work Jokes, Office Jokes

One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE."
It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York.
So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.
When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE."
The policeman arrested her on the spot.

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I saw a тrамр who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

The officer reported to the watch commander about having no luck with the witness.
"Did you browbeat him, yell at him, and ask him every question you could come up with?" asked the watch commander.
"I certainly did."
"And?"
"And he said, 'Yes dear you're right,' and dozed off!"

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

At the age of 17, Chuck Norris was fired from his job in a car factory because he roundhouse-kicked a car in half.

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Old People Jokes

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears.
The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?"
The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear.
Still not satisfied, the doctor asked,
"Well, what happened to the other ear?"
"The sucker called again!"

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Phone jokes

Chuck Norris is so tough, that he doesn't get a workout from the weights,they get a workout from him.

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Office and Work Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Fitness jokes

A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”
“How should I know?” the man answers, “I’m not a lawyer!”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Police Officer Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear.
He says, “Doctor, what is wrong with me?"
The psychiatrist replies, “You are not eating properly.”

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

A guy dials his home phone number from work.
A strange woman answers.
The guy says,
"Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don’t have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming.
He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jеrк she’s with."
The maid puts down the phone.
The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?”
"
"Uh.. is this 832-4173?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Phone jokes

An alcoholic addict just returned home from a rehab and he saw crate of empty bottles sitting at the corner and he goes there grab one and smacknit to the wall and said "you made my wife leave me."
Grab another one and smashes it and said "you made me get fired from work" and grab another one which was full and was about to smash it and he brushes it and said "you were not part of them and open and drink...."

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there. An attendant saw her and said,
"Excuse me, ma'am, but you have a ticket for economy class, not first. You cannot stay here." The blonde replied, "I can and I will." The attendant told the copilot, who came and talked to the woman. "Ma'am, we really can't have you staying in this seat, your ticket was for economy."
"You can't make me move." The copilot told the captain, who tried to talk her out of the seat but it didn't work. Finally, a man who had heard what had been going on told the attendant to let him have a go at getting the woman out of the seat because he was married to a blonde too, so he knew how to deal with her. After a quick chat with her, she moved. The shocked attendant asked him how he did it. The man replied, "I told her first class wasn't going to Detroit."

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What's the difference between a working white man and a working black man?
The White man is working legally.

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A hubby is having a short conversation with his wife.
See dear, if you got home early from work one day and you found me pounding on another woman, this would be called an awkward situation!
So its the same honey, if you came home early from work and found me in bed with another man?
No darling, you are now confused and mixing the awkward situation with proper beating!

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work.
The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat.
The brunette says:
"We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops."
As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde:
"So, do you see any cops?"
The blonde replies:
"Yes!"
The brunette says:
"Are they behind us?"
"Yes!"
"Are they close?"
"Yes!"
"Are they going to stop us?"
"I don't know!"
"Well, are their lights on?"
The blonde replies:
"Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...!

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier рigеоn?
A bird who knocks before delivering its message !

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes

What do you call a соw who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes

A worker approaches his employer and holds up his last wage packet.
‘This is two hundred pounds short,’ he says. ‘I know,’ says the employer.
‘But last week I overpaid you two hundred pounds, and you didn’t say anything.’
‘Well,’ says the worker.
‘I don’t mind an occasional mistake.
But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.’

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

Three men had been at a wild office party and died in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They soon found themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. But before they could pass, Sаinт Peter required them to present something related to Christmas.
The first man pulled off his sweater and handed it to Sаinт Peter.
“This sweater is made from virgin wool. You know, like Mary was a virgin.”
“Well, that’s a bit of a stretch, but I’m feeling lenient,” Sаinт Peter replied. “You can go on in.”
The second man quickly scratched on a business card and handed it to Sаinт Peter. “Before I died, I was a manager,” he said. “But I scratched off the second ‘a,’ and now it says ‘manger.'”
Saint Peter rolled his eyes. “Okay, that’s really a stretch. But since I let the other guy in, I suppose you can go in as well.”
The third man pulled out a pair of women’s underwear and handed them to Sаinт Peter.
“Now look, this is ridiculous,” Sаinт Peter exclaimed. “I was willing to give the other two guys the benefit of the doubt, but I fail to see how this could possibly be related to Christmas!”
The man blushed and responded, “They’re Carol’s.”

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Christmas Jokes Saint Peter and Pearly Gates Jokes Boss Jokes

Impress your co-workers with your new-found Buzzword Vocabulary. …
Read computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and gain a little understanding of new products and software releases. …
Then start using phrases and cliches like “paradigm shift,”
“diversity,”
“empowerment,”
“At the end of the day,”
“Bandwidth,”
“Cloud Computing,”
“Client-Centric,”
“Organic growth,”
“Holistic approach,”
“Touch base,”
“Sea change,”
“Bloom’s Taxonomy,”
“Win-win” freely when you are in conversation with your bosses. Remember: They likely won’t understand what you said, but you sure will sound impressive!

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Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes