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Physics jokes

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Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice Cream Parlor, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl, who isn't there, if he can buy her an ice cream cone.
The owner, who is used to the weird, local university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "I apologize for my sтuрid questions, but surely you know there is never a woman sitting in that last stool, man. Why do you persist in talking to empty space?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."
The owner raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a cone? You never know... she might say yes."
The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right. How likely is THAT to happen?"
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At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Ваng?”
The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”
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This is how the black hole eats space and time. Follow me for more
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My physics teacher said i have potential
And then pushed me down the stairs
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Kobiety zaburzają nawet prawa fizyki. Im są cięższe Women defy the laws of physics... They are easier to pick up the heavier they get...
How do women defy the laws of physics?
The heavier they are, the easier to pick up!
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This picture is made by a Russian artist. This is a picture of a smiling girl which can be seen only when your eyes are half closed.
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Officer, I'm telling you, speed is relative
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Познайте от 3 пьти защо няма утре да сме на работа
Three guesses why we wont be coming into work tomorrow...
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1672 Sir isaac newton invents homosexuality
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Why I hate physics  The math is hard. I can't enjoy action movies anymore because the physics are wrong
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My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion.
I said, “yeah it’s pretty straightforward.”
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My friend thinks the Canadian prime minister does not know quantum physics.
I know it's trudeau.
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What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics ?
Oops.
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I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
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A joke from my old physics professor..
How Long is a battleship. True or false?
False. How Long is a man from China.
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A photon walks into a hotel and the bellman says "can I help you with your bags?" And the photon replies,
"No it's ok, I'm traveling light."
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