Newest jokes

No english dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words, COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Some people say there is no difference, but there is:
When you marry the right woman you are COMPLETE!
When you marry the wrong woman you are FINISHED!
And if you marry a wife who likes shopping you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!

- Grandpa, do you still have s*x with grandma?

- Yes but just oral.
- What is oral s*x?
- I say "F*ck you", she says "F*ck you too"!

I am gonna lose weight.

I'm gonna exercise everyday.
I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it ...
Is that a cake?

Everybody are talking about soul,

but look at the ass.

- Hmm, Your case is quite complicated.

- Why doctor? What happened?
- You got a disease from a chapter which i left as optional during my studies.

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet.

I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

Pilot: The plane is about to crash! Quick, make your last call to say your last words!

Guy: Babe, I'm so sorry, I cheated on you.
Girl: WHAT!???
Pilot: Oops, nevermind, the plane is back in control!