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My boss bought a new sports car and parked it on his space while I was walking by him.

I congratulated him to his newest purchase. He said:
"Well, if you work hard, set yourself goals, do overtime and work with determination, I will be able to buy an even better one next year."

- Give me your money!

- You know i'm a politician, right?
- Then give me my money!

Momster (n):

What happens to mom, after she counts to three...

Technically,

tobacco companies kill their best customers.

Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.

A mother shark is teaching her young how to eat humans.

"First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again. Finally, you go straight at them and then you eat them"
"But, mom, why can't I just eat them the first time around?"
"Well, I suppose you can, but why would you want to eat them with all the shit still inside?"

What do we learn from cow, buffaloes and elephants?

It's impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking