Drinking and Drunk Jokes

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An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunк who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand.
He leaned closer while the drunк held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "Well, it looks plastic."
Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "But it feels like rubber."
Curious, the attorney asked,
"What do you have there?"
The drunк replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
The attorney responded, "Let me take a look."
So the drunк handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it.
"Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is.
Where did you get it?"
The drunк replied, "Out of my nose!"
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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunк.
The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another вееr, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunк to be served another drink.
The man leaves.
He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a вееr.
A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before.
The man leaves.
He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a вееr.
The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunк and to get a ride home and leave his bar.
He leaves.
He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him.
"I told you already, you are way to drunк, you can not have another вееr! Get out of my bar!"
Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"
Bar and Bartender Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes
Eдин човек всяка вечер ходел в един и същи бар и винаги си поръчвал по четири големи уискита, изпивал ги, а след това си тръгвал.
A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers.
The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual.
"Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday" Each time he says the word he drinks the вееr. Then he pays and walks out.
One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing.
The bartender watches him go through the same ritual.
Curious, he asks the bloke why.
"Well" the guy says, "I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia.
We have our birthdays on the same day.
We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other.
We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18"
The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers.
The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say "happy birthday, happy birthday!"
The bartender asks "so which one died?"
"No one."
"But you only ordered two drinks!"
"Yeah, well, I've given up drinking."
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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes
Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes
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