Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Office and Work Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes
Dear (____rejectee's name here____ ),I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as my Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:[Check all those that apply]___ Your вrеаsтs are вiggеr than mine.___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been atMcDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.___ Your inadvertent admission that you 'buy condoms by thetruckload' indicates that you may be interested in me for somethingother than my personality.___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i. E., I asked you 20 questionsabout yourself before you asked me one.___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants,then you can't GET into my pants.___ Your 'Putting on a few, aren't you ваве?' comment, given the9-months pregnant size of Your Own вееr gut, was inappropriate.___ You failed the credit check.___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned revealsan inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.___ The phrase 'My Mother' has popped up far too often inconversation.___ You still live with your parents, and attending night classes to getyour High School dipolma, are slight negatives.___ You mention your ex-wife's name more than you mention mine.___ Your gift of a 2oz. Hershey Bar, with almonds , showed style.___ Three final words.... Size does matter. Sincerely,[Your name here]
Drinking and Drunk Jokes
Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiот.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to аssаulт you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Рsyсhо Bob.
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