Animal Jokes - Page 104

Chuck Norris doesn't tell lies. He changes facts.

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Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "
Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks
"Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "
Oh I have a personal genie"
The first man asks
"Can i make a wish? "
Sure says the other man
"Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says "
I want a Million Bucks "
The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other "
Your genie realy suскs at hearing doesnt He?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"

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Dirty jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Genie jokes

Q: What's the difference between a book and a teacher?
A: You can shut a book up but you can't shut a teacher up.

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Vulgar jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: Boo-bees.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and Kisses!

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Valentine's Day Jokes Animal Jokes

I took the missuz out for Valentine’s dinner and she ordered Pelican, which was a feature on the Valentine’s menu.
It was delicious, but the bill was enormous.

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Valentine's Day Jokes Animal Jokes

What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day? You're purrr-fect for me!

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Valentine's Day Jokes Animal Jokes

What do you call a gаy dinosoaur? Mega-Soar-Ass

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Animal Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Dinosaur jokes

Animal Facts
1. Hippo milk is pink.
2. If you put alcohol on a scorpion, it will sting itself to death.
3. Vampire bats are one of few mammals that will adopt an orphan our risk its own life to give food to a less fortunate roostmate.
4. Squirrels forget where they hide over half of their nuts.
5. Kittens sleep so much because they only release a special growth hormone while they sleep.
6. It is impossible for pigs to look up at the sky.
7. Sheep can survive two weeks buried in a snow drift.
8. A four foot long walrus реnis воnе sold for $8000 on ebay in 2007.
9. A whale реnis is called a dork.
10. Elephants weigh less than a Blue Whale's tongue.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Vampire jokes

Q: What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
A: Bugs bunny.

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes

Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
Because it was a dirтy double crosser.

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Animal Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first communion."
"I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.”

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Animal Jokes Religion jokes God Jokes Priest Jokes

The energizer bunny was arrested on a charge of battery.

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Animal Jokes Technology Jokes Prison Jokes

Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: They don't like fast food.

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Animal Jokes Nationality Jokes Food Jokes

*At pet store*
Me: Hey look its Nemo!
Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish.
Me: Вiтсh, that's a Nemo!

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Animal Jokes

A man needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God," and for it to stop you say, "Amen." So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge. "Whew," said the man, "thank God!"

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Animal Jokes Priest Jokes

A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn. He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, "I'm here to get the gorilla out of your tree. I'm going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites their ваlls which calms the animal down so I can put him in the truck." The man says "Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?" The animal control employee says, "Oh, that's for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla."

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Animal Jokes

A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It's no good trying to outrun it. It's catching up!” The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I'm not trying to outrun the lion, I'm trying to outrun you!”

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Animal Jokes Office and Work Jokes

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time and asked his dad, "Why doesn't the stork recognize me?"

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Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

Q: Whats the difference between a politician and a snail?
A: One is slimy, a реsт, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

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Animal Jokes Political Jokes What's The Difference Jokes