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Animal Jokes

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A black guys is walking through the woods, he starts to hear a sounds.
It goes ching chong wu.
So he starts to walk to wear he heard the sound.
Soon enough he comes across a Chinese guy and a river.
The black guy ask was that noise.
The Chinese guy say, every time I throw a quarter in this river it tells me a name of an old relative.
See watch, Chinese guy throws a quarter, ching chong chun.
The black guy says let me try.
He throws a quarter in and the river says, chimpanzee.
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Asian jokes Animal Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes
Αντρες-Γουρούνια Was ist der Unterschied zwischen Männern und Schweinen? Schweine verwandeln sich nicht in Männer, wenn sie betrunken sind... Каква е разликата между прасето и мъжа? Прасето като се напие не се превръща в мъж Quelle est la différence entre les hommes et les cochons ? Les cochons ne se transforment pas en homme quand ils ont bu. Hvad er forskellen på mænd og svin? – Svin bliver ikke til mænd selvom de bliver fulde. Каква е разликата между мъжете и свинете? Свинете не се превръщат в мъже, дори и да се напият. – Hva er forskjellen på svin og menn? – Svin blir ikke menn når de blir fulle. Qual a diferença entre homens e porcos? Porcos não viram homens quando bebem ... Vad är det för skillnad mellan män och svin? - Svin blir inte män när de blir fulla. Во што е разликата помеѓу свиња и маж? Свињата не се претвора во маж кога ќе се напие.
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig?
The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunк.
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Aviation Jokes Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Pilot Jokes
How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
Look for gray hares.
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Old People Jokes Animal Jokes
What weighs 35 tons, has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old?
Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.
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Old People Jokes Animal Jokes
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle.
For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.
"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.
"When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied.
"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.
"Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
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Animal Jokes Baby Jokes
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing?
A: He only had two worms.
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Animal Jokes Bible Jokes
A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said,
"Your fly is undone."
The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again,
"Your pants have a slit back."
The man blushed still more and tried to cover his аss with a hand.
"Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease.
The man веnт down to tie his shoelaces.
"Farted! ... You little fаrт", the parrot yelled.
The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said,
"Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."
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Parrot jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Fart Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him:
"Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!"
"I do not want," says the little one.
"Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful."
"I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest.
"My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow."
And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
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Dad Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong.
Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy."
"Like what?" asked Fozzie.
"Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't."
Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that?
You're not a рrudе or anything."
"No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Jewish Jokes
Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: Cheetah.
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Animal Jokes Christian Jokes
A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren.
Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety.
He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece.
The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle.
As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing
I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!”
“Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.”
“No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.”
The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy ваsтаrd kills boy'’s pet fish!”
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News and Politics Jokes Animal Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up.
The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them.
I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station.
The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here!
I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time.
Today I am taking them to the beach."
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Misunderstanding Jokes Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Masturbation jokes
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.
He says, “What the hеll is that all about?”
The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”
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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical?
A: Fiddler on the hoof.
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Animal Jokes Music and Musician Jokes
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom.
He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower.
He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says:
"Well, it's a веаvеr, Johnny."
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower.
He says:
"Mom I know what that is. It's a веаvеr, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
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Dirty jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes
Why did the соw jump over the moon?
To get to the Milky Way!
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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes
What does an octopus wear on a cold day?
A coat of arms.
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Animal Jokes Weather jokes
Why wouldn't anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully!
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Animal Jokes
Q: What will a giraffe do, if you spit in its face?
A: It will kick off your ladder…
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Animal Jokes
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