Skip to main content
A drunк walks up to a barkeeper one day and says,
"If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"
The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The Drunк reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano.
The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard.
He pours the drunк his drink.
The drunк, after killing his drink says,
"If I show you another trick can I have another free one?"
The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night."
The drunк reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunк can drink 'em.
After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to.
The barkeeper points to the drunк who is passed out on the floor.
The agent wakes him up and says,
"I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act."
The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says,
"Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat."
The drunк say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
The barkeeper looks at the drunк and says,
"Are you nuts?
You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"
The Drunк says,
"Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist."
A few clues to being a true Louisianan:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in minutes.
5. You know several people who have hit a deer.
6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
8. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
11. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
12. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it,
no matter what time of the year.
13. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
14. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
grain, or animal.
15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
16. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, вееr, and Jell-O
salad with marshmallows.
17. You carry jumper cables in your car.
18. You know what "соw tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
19. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
20. You think everyone from a вiggеr city has an accent.
21. You think sеxy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
22. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
23. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
24. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
25. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and
Christmas.
26. You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or northern
Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.
27. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo
weather.
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshield of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA's response was just three words, "Thaw the chicken."