Bill Clinton Jokes

What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton?
You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.

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If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? – America.

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Donald Trump Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

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US Election Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Happy Presidents' Day!

Future historians will be able to study at:
the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library,
the Lyndon B. Johnson Presidential Library,
the Richard M. Nixon Presidential Library,
the Gerald Ford Presidential Library,
the James Earl Carter Presidential Library,
the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library,
...and the Bill Clinton Adult Book Store!

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

CLINTON SOUP

One of the Nations largest Soup Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking Americas shelves this week with their newest Soup creation, "Clinton Soup", that will honor one the nations most distinguished men.

It consists primarily of a small wееniе in hot water.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

What does Ted Kennedy have that Clinton wishes he had?
A dead girlfriend!!

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Clinton asked Monica if she'd like to see the Presidential clock. She of course replied yes. He unzipped and pulled it out and she said, but that's not a clock. He said,
"but it will be when you put two hands and a face on it."

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

What is the difference between Bill and his dog Buddy?
Buddy can liск his own diск.

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Bill Clinton Jokes Dog jokes

Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
Because Janet Reno is her Dad.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Q: What does Monica's mouth and a coke machine have in common?
A: Insert Bill here!

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Bill Clinton Jokes

What's the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter? One sсrеw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Why does hillary insist on making love early in the morning with bill?
She wants to be the first lady.

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Bill Clinton Jokes

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
"Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed.
"No," said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."
"Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."
Poof! And just like that .... her ears were gone.

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Bill Clinton Jokes

Clinton finds a bottle, opens it and a genie pops out and grants him one wish. Clinton wishes for peace in the Middle East. The genie says there are some things even a genie can't do and tells Clinton to make another wish. Clinton says he wishes that the whole Monica thing would go away. The genie says he'll take a second look at the map of the Middle East.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.
Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".
Hillary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed, bleached blonde hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy".

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Bill Clinton Jokes Blonde Jokes American Presidents Humor

Letter to John Hinckley

Mr. John Hinkley
St. Elizabeth Hospital
Washington, D.C.

Dear John,

Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout the land. Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is held against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.

Best wishes,

Bill Clinton

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

They didn't find any stains on that dress,,, just a wаd of bills.

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Bill Clinton Jokes

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible disagreement.
"I am the most beautiful person in the world." proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.
"No, you're not." answered Don Juan and TomThumb.
"I am the smallest person in the world." shouted Tom Thumb.
"No, you're not." said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan.
"I've had more lovers than any one in the world." announced Don Juan.
"No, you haven't." replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed to mediate, and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming. "I AM the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so."
In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty. "Merlin agreed that I AM the smallest person in the world."
In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, scratching his head and muttering "Who the hеll is Bill Clinton?

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House.
Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?" Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom."
To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom."
Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

President Clinton and Hillary are at a baseball game.
They are sitting up in the V.I.P section. Before the game begins,
The umpire yells something up to Mr. Clinton. Clinton then proceeds
to lift Hillary out of her seat, and throw her over the railing and onto
the field.

The umpire shouts,
"No Mr. President I said 'Throw out the FIRST PITCH.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor