Bill Clinton Jokes

Clinton thinks that, "THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH", requires three different answers.

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Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is moving to North Carolina?
She can't decide which city to live in, Blowing Rock or Morehead City.

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Bill Clinton Jokes

Did you hear Bill Clinton just bought a new computer: 6-inch hard drive and no memory

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Arkansas is very proud of Mr. Clinton. All these women confessing to having sеx with Bill Clinton and none of them are his sister.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

President Clinton has voiced support for school uniforms to cut down on violence. Yeah, it sure has done wonders for the Postal Service.

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Bill Clinton Jokes School Jokes American Presidents Humor

Whats the difference between monica and the chronically unemployed (or your favorite ethnic group)?
Monica will, on occasion, do a liск of work.

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Bill Clinton Jokes

Mr. Reagan, Mr. Bush and Mr. Clinton are on the Titanic. Mr. Reagan says, "Save the Women!" Mr. Bush says, "Sсrеw the women!" Mr. Clinton says, "Do we have Time?!"

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Did you know that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic seal from a donkey to a соndом?
That's because it represents inflation, halts production, and gives you a false sense of security while you are being sсrеwеd.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

The former Surgeon General was discussing who is the easiest to operate on with some friends. One surgeon said engineers were the easiest to operate on because their insides were color coded. One surgeon said librarians were the easiest because their insides were arranged in alphabetical order. Elders said that Clinton was the easiest person to operate on by far. He has no guts, no spine, no heart and his diск and his brain are interchangeable!

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Bill Clinton Jokes Military Jokes American Presidents Humor

One day while Bill Clinton was doing his morning jogging he noticed a little boy standing outside the white house gates. As curiosity got him, Bill jogged over to the gates to see what the little boy was doing.

As he approached the gates Bill was taken by suprise when he noticed a sign that said, "Democratic Puppies for Sale". Bill approached the boy and says, "What's up son?". To which the little boy replied, " I am selling Democratic Puppies, Would you like to buy one Mr. President?".

"No Thanks", Said the President, "but good luck". He then continued on his morning jog.

Thinking about how cute the puppies had been, Bill went to Hillary and told her about the Demoratic Puppies. THey both laughed about how cute, "Democratic Puppies". So they decided the next morning to go down to the gate to see about purchasing one of the Puppies. Bill and Hillary were glad to see that the little boy with the puppies was still there.

But to their suprise, when they appoached the boy, they saw the sign but this time it stated "Republican Puppies for sale" Bill inquired about the sign stating, "Young man, yesterday when I was here you had a sign up stating that there were Democtratic Puppies for sale. Now today it says Republican Puppies for sale. What's the deal?"

To which the little boy replied, "Yes sir Mr. President, But today they all have their eyes open."

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Similarities between Nixon and Clinton

Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed

Nixon: His biggest fear - the Cold War
Clinton: His biggest fear - a Cold Sore

Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs
Clinton: Worried about carpet burns

Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek
Clinton: His Vice President is a geek

Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her

Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape
Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD вrа in his brief case

Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick
Clinton: (No difference)

Nixon: Ex-President
Clinton: Sеx-President

Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying "He's the one!"

Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak

Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot & titty

Nixon: Took on Но Chi Minh
Clinton: Took on Ho

Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor
Clinton: Talked about getting a piece while on her

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Clinton and St. Peter

President Clinton and his wife died on the same day. They've been sent to St. Peter for judgement. St. Peter asked them a few questions. He asked Hillary first. One of the question was: Have you ever breaked the marriage-vows ?
- Yes, she said.
St. Peter asked her how many times ?
- Three times, she said.
Then St. Peter said; you have to be punished for that and he took a needle and punctured her three times. One time for each breaking of the marriage-vows. Now you can go to heaven.
After that St. Peter started asking President Clinton the same questions.
After two hours waiting for her husband, Hillary came back to St. Peter asking. Where is my husband ?
He is still under sewing machine, said St. Peter.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face -- some even look a little frightened -- and Clinton isn't in the room.
"What's the matter" he asked.
"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news"
"What's the bad news?"
"India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site;
Pakistan has done the same at their proving area; and China is warning them
both that this could lead to regional war -- that may go nuclear."
"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"
"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viаgrа"

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Bill Clinton Jokes Viagra jokes American Presidents Humor

Did you hear that Clinton said no matter what he'll refuse to quit.
He rather continue to stick it out in the White house.
Do you know why walking a tightrope and having Janet Reno go down on you are alike?
Because in both cases you really don't want to look down.
What is the difference in the "Titanic" and Bill Clinton?
We know how many women went down on the Titanic, but not on Clinton.
Bill never told Monica to lie. He told her to lie in this position, not to lie on deposition.
The reason Ken Starr is won't give Monica full amunity is he's afraid she then leak her story to the press, but Ginburg told Starr, "If there is one thing I'm sure my client can handle it's a "GAG" order.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

What's the first thing Prez Clinton does in the morning?
Go back to the White House.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

The Clintons took a break and went to Camp David for 10 days. While away, George Stephanapolis cared for the First Parrot. The pet parrot is not public knowledge because it has a fowl mouth. (Yes, that pun was certainly intended). George got irked with it for making fun of him, and accidently killed it in a fit of childish anger. Worried at what he had done, he went to buy another parrot.
He search all of the DC metro area for another parrot that looked like the first one. After two days, he finally found a dead ringer that wasn't dead. Unfortunately, the pet store owner ran a brothel upstairs and would let the parrot sit on the shoulder of the bouncer when he greeted his guests.
Undeterred (and facing a deadline) George paid a high price for the bird and returned to the White House.
When Chelsea got back from Camp David, she said "Hi Polly" to the bird.
The bird said, "Too Young. Too Young."
Hillary said, "Hello Polly" to the bird. It said, "Too old. Too old."
Bill walked in and said, "Hi, Bird." The bird said, "Hi, Bill."

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hеll.
The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error [they don't have UNIX in hеll, only Windoze].

The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stop to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up. President Clinton: No problem. Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven. President Clinton: Why's that? Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary. President Clinton: You're a day late.

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Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor

Top 10 Benefits From a White House Internship:

10. First-hand knowledge of domestic affairs
9. Pay is lousy, but the hush money is great
8. Gives new meaning to MTV slogan ``Rock the Vote''
7. Observe the President's commitment to young people first hand
6. Learn intricacies of statutory rаре law
5. Have president chase around desk brandishing his `subpoena'
4. President tells you he really wants you on his staff
3. Try out JFK's legendary rocking chair
2. Have president introduce you to his `special investigator'
1. Find out what a politician means when he says he's been polling his constituents

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Bill Clinton Jokes Cheating Jokes

Yesterday, President Clinton was interviewed by Jim Lehrer on his Alleged affair with a whitehouse intern and subsequent alleged subornation of her perjury. Clinton said,
"I'm just trying to suppress my natural impulses and get back to work."
Well put.

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Bill Clinton Jokes Cheating Jokes American Presidents Humor

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, " What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, “if my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies, “That would be an accident, not a tragedy.” A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, “If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies once again with: “That would be a great loss, not a tragedy.” All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says “If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!” Says Bill Clinton “How do you know?” Matthew says happily, “It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!”

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Political Jokes Aviation Jokes Bill Clinton Jokes School Jokes American Presidents Humor