Blonde Jokes - Page 12

Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his Blonde brother and told him, 'Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill.'
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
But when the $200.00 bills kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on.
'Well,' said the Blonde brother, 'you said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie.
So I rented him a tuxedo.'

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Blonde Jokes

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you кill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
A: No smoking.
Q: What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside?
A: She grabs a bowl.

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Blonde Jokes

Q:how do you teach a blonde maths A: Add a bed, minus her clothes, divide her legs, insert your square route, leave your solution and hope she doesnt multiply.

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Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes One-Liner Jokes

A blonde walks into an empty bar on New Year's Eve and asks the bartender if she can use his phone to wish her family back in St. Louis a happy new year.
"Well," starts the bartender, "the rates are pretty high on New Year's. You'll have to leave me a couple of bucks."
"Oh, dаrn!" she replies, "I don't have a dime! What am I gonna do? This is my first holiday without my family." The bartender gives it about 2 seconds thought and comes back with a proposal.
"Why don't you just come back here behind the bar... I'm sure we can work out a way for you to speak with them."
Eagerly, the blonde runs behind the bar just as the bartender starts to unzip his fly and pull out his реnis. "Okay, honey," he says as he gestures towards his growing оrgаn, "just put your mouth up to this!"
Desperately wanting to do as he says, the girl kneels down and does what she's told.
She brings her mouth up to his crotch and quizzically goes "Hello, Mom?"

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Blonde Jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?

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Sports Jokes Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes

A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads.
The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help.
"What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me."
"Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."
She says, "It's ceramic tile."

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Blonde Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

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Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes

One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.
So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."
So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of вееr. She says, "Oh my, I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks."
So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used соndом. She says, "Oh my, I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a реnis."

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Blonde Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. T-shirt.
'Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?'
'Oh сrар!' the blonde says. 'I didn't Realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant Тiтs Go In Front'

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes Boob Jokes

ne blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.'

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Blonde Jokes Banker Jokes

After years of working for others and being passed over for promotions, Blonde John and his wife, Blonde Mary, decided to go into business together. After examining the classifieds, they bought a small candy stand, paying thirty cents for each box of candy and then selling it for thirty cents.
At the end of the day they were astonished to find that they had sold every box of candy – yet had exactly as much money as when they started.
“You see?” John snarled at his wife. “I told you we should have bought a larger stand!”

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Blonde Jokes Business jokes

One thing is certain. On the US elections will win blonde.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn't want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!' The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!' Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist-deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Dаrn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!'

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Banker Jokes

Ron and John, 2 Blonde Guy were building a house.
John was on a ladder, nailing.
He'd reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.
Ron couldn't stand it any longer and yelled, 'Why are you throwing some of the nails away?'
John explained, 'When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me, I throw it away.
If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it.'
Ron replied, 'What's wrong with you?
Don't throw away the nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house.'

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Blonde Jokes

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? pull out the pin and throw it back
What do you do when a blode throws a pin at you? run like hеll shes got a grenade in her mouth!!

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago.
The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area.
The blonde exclaimed, "Wow! I can't believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!"

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Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Dinosaur jokes

Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting:
"GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.

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Money jokes Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade four.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly.
The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fаn!"

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School Jokes Blonde Jokes Pilot Jokes Aviation Jokes

There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..."A blonde came up to her and said, "That looks like fun, can I try?"The brunette said, "Sure."So the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88...""Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street."So the blonde said, "OK." and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88..." BAM! She was run over by a car, completely flattened. Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89..."

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Blonde Jokes