Blonde Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A guy was running for an elevator and he stuck his hand in to stop the doors, and the doors opened. Inside stood a blonde. He said, "Good morning, which floor are you going to?"
She responded, "3rd floor." He pushed the 3rd floor button, plus the 5th floor for himself.
As the elevator started moving the gentleman struck up a conversation and asked the blonde where she was going. She said, "I'm going to the blood bank on the 3rd floor; I donate blood once a week for $10 to supplement my income." Then she asked the gentleman where he was going.
He responded, "I'm going to the sреrм bank on the 5th floor; I donate sреrм there once a week for $50 to supplement my income".
The next week the same scenario happens. He stopped the elevator doors with his hand, the doors opened and the blonde was standing inside. He smiled and greeted her and asked if she was going to the 3rd floor?
The blonde responded in a garbled tone (as if she had something in her mouth), "No 5th floor first."
Blonde Jokes Banker Jokes
Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes Coffee Jokes
На някаква сватба станало сбиване и всички били прибрани в ареста. This Joke Hurts Blonde in Pain Πονάω παντού Το σπασμένο δάχτυλο Ein Mann kommt zum Arzt. Един отива на лекар, влиза при доктора и започва: A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. Blonde walks into a doctors office and says: Kommt ein Mann zum Arzt: A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!” Блондинка зашла к доктору: A blonde goes to her doctor complaining of body pains. Her doctor asked "Where does it hurt?" She touches her elbow and says, "here." She then touches her knee and says "here too." The doctor asks if it hurts anywhere else. She says it seems to be everything she touches hurts. The doctor says,... Geht eine Frau zum Arzt und sagt: "Wenn ich hier drücke tut es weh, wenn ich hier drücke tut es weh und wenn ich hier drücke tut es weh." Da sagt der Arzt: "Nartürlich weil ihr Finger Gebrochen ist!" Une blonde va chez le medecin et lui dit: -"Docteur...quand j'appuie là, j'ai maaal!!! et quand j'appuie au genou, j'ai maaal!!! et puis quand j'appuie a l'épaule, j'ai maaal!!!" Et le médecin lui répond: -"C'est normal Mlle, vous avez le doigt cassé!"..... Carabiniere dal dottore: "Dottore, se mi tocco qui ho male (indicando il fegato). Pure se mi tocco qui ho male (indicando la milza). E anche se mi tocco qui (indicando il gomito).Ecc, ecc. Cosa puo' essere?". Il dottore: "Mi sa che lei ha un dito fratturato! - ¡Doctor, doctor! Cuando me toco aquí me duele mucho, si me toco aquí también me duele; y me toco allí ¡me sigue doliendo! ¿Que tengo? - Un dedo roto. Der Patient zu seinem Arzt: "Ich bin schwer krank und habe Schmerzen am ganzen Körper. Wenn ich mir mit dem Finger an den Kopf tippe tut es weh, wenn ich mir an den Hals tippe tut es weh, wenn ich... Doctor, Doctor Me duele todoo... Mire me toko aki con el deo y me duele aki tambie,y aki! -Doctor dice: Usted lo k tiene es el deo roto. Le gars va chez le docteur et lui dit: - Lorsque je me touche ici, ça me fait mal (en se touchant une épaule), - Lorsque je me touche ici, ça me fait mal (en se touchant un coude), - Lorsque je me... A blonde went to the hospital because her body hurt. She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt. The doctor told her to demonstrate. She touched her elbow and it hurt.... "Herr Doktor, wenn ich auf den Kopf drücke, tut´s weh, wenn ich auf´s Bein drücke, tut´s weh, wenn ich auf den Bauch drücke, tut´s weh, und wenn ich auf den Arm drücke, tut´s auch weh." "Ja, da... Une jeune femme blonde va voir son docteur. - "Ou avez-vous mal ?" Demande le docteur. - "Vous devez m'aider, j'ai mal partout." Répond la jeune femme. - "Que voulez-vous dire , partout?"...... En brunett går till läkaren. – Vad kan jag hjälpa dig med? – Jo, jag har så ont, jag tror jag har brutit varenda ben i kroppen! – Men snälla du, det är ju inte möjligt, säger läkaren. – Jo visst,... En ung brunett gick till doktorn och berättade att det gör ont på kroppen överallt där hon rör den. Omöjligt, sa doktorn. Visa mig. Hon tar fingret och trycker på armbågen och skriker högt av... Temel bir gün doktora gitmiş ve meramını doktora aktarmış: – Doktor bey parmağımı karnıma bastırıyorum acıyor, omzuma bastırıyorum acıyor, kalbime bastırıyorum acıyor, kafama bastırıyorum acıyor,... Een jonge brunette gaat de praktijk van de dokter binnen en zegt dat haar lichaam overal pijn doet, waar ze het ook aanraakt. "Dat kan bijna niet," zegt de dokter, "Toon het eens." Ze neemt haar... Er kwam een man bij een dokter, hij moest een momentje wachten in de wachtkamer. Toen hij aan de beurt was vertelde de man wat er aan de hand was “Wanneer ik mijn been aanraak heb ik pijn, wanneer... En ung tjej, hon var brunett, gick till doktorn. Doktorn: - Vad har hänt med dig då? Brunetten: - Jag har ont överallt, var jag än trycker. Brunetten började genast att trycka på olika delar av... En mann gikk til legen og sa: – Jeg har vondt over alt, når jeg tar på armen, på beinet, i ansiktet. Legen så på mannen og sa: – Du har jo sår på fingeren. Een jonge vrouw komt bij haar dokter met klachten over pijn. "Waar doet het zeer?" vraagt de dokter. "Het doet overal zeer, u moet me helpen", antwoordt de vrouw. "Wat bedoelt u met overal?" vraagt... - Doktor, jeg har vondt samme hvor på kroppen jeg trykker med fingeren. - Det kan jo skyldes at fingeren er brukket! O português reclama de fortes dores ao seu médico: — Ai doutore, cá estou eu com dores fortes pelo corpo todo; eu ponho a mão aqui no peito... Ai! A mão nas costas... Ui! Até na minha cabeça dói...... A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The... The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine... A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde... En man kommer in hos doktorn: – Snälla doktorn, hjälp mig. Det gör ont när jag gör så här, säger han och pekar på sin näsa. Det gör också ont när jag gör så här, säger han och pekar på sin vänstra... Cierta mañana, la esposa de un atlante le explicaba a su esposo lo preocupada que estaba dado a unos dolores intensos que ella sufría en todo el cuerpo. Como es normal con todos los maridos,... Przychodzi kobieta do lekarza i skarży się na ból. - Gdzie panią boli? - pyta się lekarz. - Wszędzie - odpowiada kobieta. - Jak to wszędzie? Proszę być bardziej dokładnym. Kobieta dotyka kolana... Un tip merge la doctor si spune atingind diferite parti Ale corpului: - Doctore, cind imi apas bratul ma doare. Cind ating Gitul ma doare. Cind imi ating stomacul ma doare. Am o Boala rara? - Nu,... Mladá slečna přišla k doktorovi a povídá: „Pane doktore, musíte mi pomoct, všechno mě bolí.” „Jak to myslíte, všechno?” podiví se Mudr(c). „Buďte trochu konkrétní.” Slečna se dotkla prstem ucha a... Börje gick till doktorn för att bli undersökt. Han beskrev för doktorn att när han petade sej i pannan gjorde det ont, när han petade sej på benet gjorde det ont och även när han petade sej i magen... Ateina blondinė pas daktarą ir skundžiasi: - Gydytojau, man viską skauda. Paliečiu koją - skauda, paliečiu ranką - skauda. - Viskas aišku, ponia, jums pirštas lūžo. Ateina blondinė pas gydytoją ir skundžiasi: - Nežinau kas man yra. Paliečiu galvą – skauda, paliečiu pilvą – skauda, paliečiu koją – skauda… Gydytojas: - Žinau kas jums yra. - Kas? - Jums pirštas... Er komt een blondje bij de dokter. Ze zegt: Dokter.. als ik op mijn buik druk, doet het pijn "Als ik op mijn knie druk doet het pijn. Als ik op mijn been druk doet het pijn.. Overal waar ik druk... Det gør ondt Dokter, når jeg trykker mig på armen gør det ondt og når jeg trykker mig på benet gør det ondt hvad fejler jeg ??? du har brækket fingeren. Det var en gång en brunett som hade gått till doktorn, och sagt: - Jag har ont överallt!! precis överallt där jag gör så här... Så tog hon högra fingret och petade överallt. - ... Se!! Och så... Llega un enfermo a ver al médico y le dice: - Doctor, cuando me toco aqui me duele, y aqui también, y aqui,y aqui...- A lo que el médico le contesta: - Amigo, usted lo que tiene es el dedo roto.- Blondinen gick till doktorn och sa. - Jag har jätte ont när jag nuddar knät. Doktorn frågade blondinen om det gjorde ont när hon nuddade magen. - Ja, jätte ont svarade blondinen. Doktorn frågade en... - Doctor, me toco aquí y me duele, me toco allí, y también me duele, y si me toco en esta otra parte, me duele también. ¿Qué tengo, doctor? - Pues el dedo roto. - No sé que me pasa doctor, si me toco la cabeza, me duele; si me toco la nariz, me duele; si me toco el pie, me duele. ¿qué cree que tengo doctor? - Pues creo que tiene el dedo roto. Een man komt bij de dokter en zegt: "Als ik hier druk heb ik pijn! Als ik op mijn been druk heb ik pijn! Als ik op mijn hoofd druk heb ik pijn!" "Aha, ik zie het al uw vinger is gebroken!" - "Dottore, dottore, dovunque mi tocchi mi fa male!" - "Ma è naturale: lei ha il dito rotto!" Temel doktora gitmis. - Hastayim doktor, cok hastayim, vucudumun her yeri agriyor, nereme dokunsam sizim sizim sizliyor, dokuluyor… Doktor: - Nasil hastalik o, tum vucudunu saran, agritan? Temel... A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH!... A blonde comes to a doctor and complains: Doc, please help: when I touch my head - it hurts, when I touch my belly - it hurts, when I touch my leg - it hurts... I know what has happened to you. And... Došao mujo kod doktora i kaže doktoru: Gdje god da se pipnem boli me Doktor:to je zato što imate slomljen prst Chez le docteur, un homme appuie avec son doigt aux endroits où il a mal: - Là ... Aïe, c est horrible! Là ... Ouill, c est affreux! Et là ... Aïe, Ouille, c est pire! Mais qu'est ce que j'ai,... Un Belge se rend chez le Docteur : - Docteur, je ne sais pas ce que j'ai, quand j'appuie sur mon ventre, j'ai mal, quand j'appuie sur mon genou, j'ai mal, quand j'appuie sur mon nez, j'ai aussi... A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body." "That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean" So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and... A young blonde goes to the doctor and says I hurt all over. The doctor says point to where you hurt. She points to her elbow and says "OW!" Then points to her head and says "OW" and then finally... I went to the doctors yesterday I said: when I touch my back it hurts when I touch my knee it hurts when I touch anything it hurts! 😣 what’s wrong with me Doctor: you’ve broken your finger A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and exclaims: "Doctor, please help me. Whenever I touch my leg, ow! It really hurts... When I touch my elbow, oh Lord! It hurts... When I touch my head,... A loira estava em casa e começou à sentir dores então decidiu ir ao médico. Ao entrar na sala o médico lhe pergunta: — Pois não senhora, qual é o motivo que lhe traz aqui? E ela responde: — É que,... Num certo dia o dedo de Joãozinho estava maluco Joãozinho colocava o dedo dele na perna duia colocava na cabeça duia colocava no pescoço duia ai mariazinha colocou o dedo dela na perna dele não... O português foi ao médico reclamando de dores pelo corpo todo. — Ái doutor, onde eu aperto dói. Apontava uma parte do corpo, apertava e gemia. Braço, perna, pescoço, barriga, tudo doía. O doutor... Uma loira que pintou o cabelo de ruivo vai no médico, chegando la ela pergunta!! — Doutor esses ultimos dias da semana tenho sentido dor em todas as partes do corpo, em toda parte que toco sinto... Chega uma mulher no consultório: — Doutor meu corpo esta todo dolorido. Eu pego aki - ui ai - dói e aki - aiiiii - dói. Eu não sabia mais o que fazer e resolvi vir aqui no médico... Médico... Um certo dia, joaozinho estava jogando bola com os colegas,neste jogo levou um tombo,mas se sentil bem. Quando chegou em casa,sentil dores em todo o corpo,ficou preocupado,e logo após, procurou um... Uma jovem morena vai num consultório médico e reclama que todos os lugares do seu corpo doem quando ela os toca. — Impossível - diz o doutor - mostre-me como acontece! Então, ela encosta seu... Um portugues estava doente mas nao sabia o que tinha. então foi ao médico chegando lá o médico perguntou: — O que tem seu Manoel? — Nao sei doutor, é o meu dedo. todos os buracos do meu corpo que... Português, vai ao médico, e diz: doutor, estou a ficar muito doente. E o doutor pergunta: por que? Porque, onde eu encosto o dedo, em meu corpo, dói por todo o lado. Estou com o corpo todo doente,... Uma morena chega com o medico e diz: Me ajude, estou sofrendo faz uma semana. Cuando eu encosto em alguma parte do meu corpo, qualquer parte, doi! O medico diz: Isso nao eh possivel deixa eu ver.... O Português vai ao medico: — Doutor, o senhor precisa me ajudar, pelo amor de Deus! meu corpo todo esta doendo! Eu aperto a barriga, doi! aperto o peito, doi! apertoa perna, doi! O Medico examina o... Çok güzel kizil sacli bir bayan doktorun ofisine girer ve her yerinin ağrıdiğini söyler. "imkansiz" der doktor "Gösterin lütfen bana" Kizil parmagini uzatir sol gögsüne bastirir ve çiglik atar,... Temel doktora gitmiş: - "Çok hastayım doktor, vücudumun neresine dokunsam berbat canım yanıyor." demiş. Doktor Temeli bir güzel muayene ettikten sonra: - "Ben pek bir hastalık bulamadım. Vücudunuz... Temel bir gün doktora gider. Doktora: - "Doktor bey, nereye dokunursam dokunayım orası ağrıyor, çok hastayım çok" der. Doktor bir Temel'e, bir de parmağına bakarak şöyle der: - "Oğlum senin... Er komt een dom blondje bij de dokter en zegt: "Als ik op mijn arm druk, dan heb ik pijn. En als ik op mijn been druk, heb ik ook pijn." Wat heeft ze? Ze heeft een gebroken vinger. Komt een man bij de dokter en zegt : ik heb hier pijn en hier en hier en hier enz. Zegt de dokter: ha ik weet het al je hebt een gebroken vinger! Patient: Dokter mijn buik doet pijn als ik er op druk en ook heb ik hetzelfde als ik op mijn hele lichaam druk, hoe kan dat? Dokter:Klopt u vingers zijn gebroken O blonda merge la doctor si se Plange ca o dor toate. - Domnule doctor, daca Ma ating cu degetul pe cap ma doare, daca ma ating Pe picior ma doare... Si, la fel, toate ma dor: Degetul, capul,...
Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes
Плавуша во казино Καζίνο. Влиза красива блондинка в казино, слага 20000 евро на едно число и казва на мъжете около масата: Казино... Ранно утро. Засукана мацка приближава към рулетката: Two croupiers are sitting bored at the roulette of THE CASINO. Eine Blondine geht ins Spielkasino. Dort angekommen verkündet sie, dass sie ihr ganzes Geld auf eine Zahl setzen wird. Zu den zwei verantwortlichen Angestellten sagt sie, während die Kugel ins Spiel kommt: "Ich glaube nicht, dass es euch interessiert, aber ich habe mehr Glück, wenn ich... Згодна надарена плавуша влегува во казино, вади 10.000 евра и им вели на мажите околу масата: - Се надевам дека нема да ви смета ако се соблечам гола, така имам повеќе среќа. Мажите се согласиле, таа се соблекла, ги фрлила коцките и вели: - Ајде коцкички, ајде, ми требаат нови алишта. Коцките... Iki gazino krupyesi canlari sikkin, rulet masasi basinda musteri bekliyorlardi. Bu sirada cazibeli bir sarisin elinde USD 20.000 lik fisle masaya dogru yaklasti ve - "Pardon oynayabilir miyiz?"... Muito bonita e gostosa, a loira entra pela porta do cassino. Vai ao caixa, troca cinco mil dólares por fichas e segue para mesa da roleta. Para espanto de todos que estavam jogando, ela avisa que... An attractive Irish blonde  at a Casino seemed a little Intoxicated She bet 10,000 Euro on a single Roll of dice  and said: “I hope u don’t mind, but I feel Luckier when I am in my birthday... Een knappe blonde vrouw, met alles erop en eraan, wandelt een casino binnen en loopt recht naar de tafel waar gedobbeld wordt. Ze legt € 10.000 op tafel en zet alles meteen in op de 8. De twee... Une séduisante blonde arrive dans un casino à Las Vegas. Un petit peu éméchée, elle mise 20 000 dollars sur une face du dé. Elle ajoute en suivant : « J’espère que cela ne vous dérange pas, mais je... Eine atemberaubende Blondine betritt das Casino. Sie kauft sich Jetons und geht zum Roulette-Tisch. Dort angekommen fragt sie die Croupiers: „Darf ich mich ausziehen? Wenn ich nackt spiele, gewinne... Dwaj znudzeni krupierzy siedzieli przy stole z ruletką gdy do kasyna weszła bardzo atrakcyjna blondynka. Podeszła do stołu i zadeklarowała zakład na 20 tys. dolarów na konkretną liczbę. Zaraz... Twee verveelde casino dealers zitten te wachten aan de dobbel tafel. Op dat moment komt er een prachtige blonde vrouw aan lopen en zet twintig duizend euro in op een enkele rol. Ze zegt: "Ik hoop... Twee croupiers in het casino kijken verveeld voor zich uit. Plotseling komt er een hele mooie vrouw aan, die haar geluk wil beproeven met de dobbelstenen. Ze wil 20.000 euro inzetten, met een... GAZİNODA iki görevli sıkıntıdan patlamış bir şekilde rulet masasında Dikiliyorlarmış… Derken içeri fıstık gibi bir sarışın girmiş, masaya 10 bin dolar koymuş Veee; ? "Baylar, umarım sizin için... Det var på ett kasino, mitt i natten. Kvar vid ett spelbord satt två män och en kvinna. En välsvarvad snygg blondin. - Jag känner på mig att jag har tur ikväll, sa kvinnan, jag satsar 500 000... Se duce o blonda la cazino si zice: - Vreau sa pariez pe 2 numere, dar ca sa castig trebuie sa ma dezbrac. Toti sunt de acord, se dezbraca si arunca zarurile. - Am castigat, am castigat,incepe sa... Een knap blondje loopt een casino binnen in Vegas. Ze gaat naar een van de roulettetafels en zegt tegen de twee mannen die er staan: "Ik zou graag alles of niets spelen. 20.000 $ voor één worp." De...
Blonde Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes
A blonde joke An Irishman, an Aussie and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Aussie opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Steak again! If I get steak one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, strasburg again! If I get a strasburg sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Aussie opened his lunch, saw steak and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the strasburg and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Aussie's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him ham & cheese! I didn't realise he hated steak so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He made his own lunch.
Ethnic and Racial Jokes Blonde Jokes
What is the worst thing about sеx with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.
Q: What do Blondes say after sеx?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?
Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sеx?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving оrgаsм?
A: *Who cares?*
Q: Why do blonds have оrgаsмs ?
A: So they know when to stop having sеx !
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches оrgаsм?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She say 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6: I mean, who really cares? A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: What does a blonde say when you вlоw in their ear?
A:"Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1:
"What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED МURDЕR (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car.
He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wаd of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wаd of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
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