Blonde Jokes - Page 23

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, Silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “Paw, What’s ‘at?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I dunno. I ain’t never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain’t got no idea’r what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fат old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son,
“Boy, go giт yo Momma….”

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What does a Blonde say after multiple оrgаsмs?
Way to go team!

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Sex Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen сrавs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the сrавs in New Orleans, please raise your hand."
Not one hand went up...so she took them home and ate them.

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Blonde Jokes Lawyer Jokes Aviation Jokes

So this blonde woman walks into a shop and asks the owner
"Have you got a phone I can borrow as I have a bit of money and I want to call my mom."
The owner says "yes" and takes her to the back of the room as he realized she was a blonde so he wanted a вlоwjов.
So they go in the back of the room and the guy took his pants off and took out his реnis.
So the woman gave him the money and she put her mouth on his реnis and shouted:
"HEY MOM ARE YOU IN THERE!"

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Money jokes Sex Jokes Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes

So this posh restaurant is looking for a piano player. A friend of the manager, the owner of a nearby jazz club, has a recommendation:
"You should give Stewart Campbell a ring. He's a bit eccentric, mind, but he's a genius."
Well, all artists have a bit of a peculiar side, the manager thinks. And sure enough, he calls him up and the next day Campbell shows up for an interview.
"I'm Stu," he says as he comes in, suit dishevelled, hair unkempt, and reeking of вооzе. "You were looking for a piano player?"
"Err, yes, what do you play?" the manager inquires.
"Anything," says Stu, "Anything at all so long as I wrote it meself."
"All... right -- can you do a little, say, smooth jazz?"
"Not a problem." Stu sits down at this stately old grand piano, and plays this most velvety, intricate but accessible piece.
As the last notes ring out, the manager is noticeably impressed. "That was great! What's it called?"
"'Вuggеr a Sheep While Taking a Dump'," Stu answers.
"Oh... Kay," the confused manager responds. "Well, how about something a bit more uptempo, maybe some crossover?"
And sure enough, without missing a beat he performs the funkiest, sultriest piece of music you ever heard.
"That's perfect!" the manager exclaims. "Does that have a title?"
"Yeah, this one's called 'Incontinent Сrаск Whоrе On a Tuesday Morning'."
Now, the restaurant's manager finds Stu strange indeed, to say the least, but he's just so good, he has to hire him, on the one condition that he won't introduce his works.
And sure enough, the next day he's bringing the house down over dinner and the wait staff is flooded with guests sending him their compliments, when in walks the most beautiful woman, tall and blonde in heels and a little black dress, and sits down at the table right in front of the piano.
Stu is just starting another of his most inspired easy listening compositions, but he struggles to keep playing as he just cannot stop staring at this most attractive lady.
Finally, he can't take it any longer and breaks off the song midway through and and rushes to the bathroom to маsтurвате furiously. Just as hurriedly he rushes back and starts playing again right where he left off.
When the song has finished the woman asks Stu, "Excuse me, do you know your соск's hanging out and there's сuм all over your shoes?"
And Stu responds, "Know it? I f**king WROTE it!"

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Blonde Jokes Masturbation jokes Restaurant Jokes Boss Jokes

What goes "Vroom... Screech... Vroom... Screech... Vroom... Screech?" A blonde at a flashing red light.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.
A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said,
"Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said,
"352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! OK, I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said,
"OK, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

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Blonde Jokes Dog jokes

Did you hear about the blonde man that locked his keys in his car? A: Took him an hour to get his family out w/ a coat hanger.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

At a convention of blones, a speaker insisted that "dumb blonde" myth is all wrong. To prove it he asked one cute young volunteer, "How much is 101 plus 20?" The blonde answered, "120."
"No," he said,
"That's not right." The audience called out, "Give her another chance." So the speaker asked the blonde, "How much is 10 plus 13?" Slowly the blonde replied, "16."
"Sorry," he said, shaking his head. Once again the crowd roared, "Give her another chance."
"This is your last try," warned the speaker. "How much is 2 plus 2?" Carefully she ventured, "Four?" And the crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde lady was driving down the road injoying the sceenery and the breeze in her hair when she saw another blonde woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a field of wheat, rowwing. Hitting hard on the brakes, she spun the car aound and drove back to the woman in the boat. Slamming her car door she stomps over to the edge of the wheat field and yelled "It is sтuрid people like you that give blondes a bad name! And if I could swim, I would come out there and give you what for!"

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Blonde Jokes

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Coffee Jokes

A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on. she stopped in the hair salon and asked for a hair cut. she instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones. the stylist replied "no" so the blond left. she went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied "ok". after a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, "breath in, breath out"

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Blonde Jokes

Q: What goes stop, go, stop, go, stop, go?
A: A blonde at a flashing red light.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Two blondes are walking down the road when one says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dog jokes

I Am Confused. Really, Really Confused.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her to count the stairs on a escalator.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy.
The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.
"Сrар!"

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."
Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.
The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."
Poof! The redhead gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

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Blonde Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes Genie jokes

Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”

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Blonde Jokes Food Jokes Friendship Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to show it to you!”

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Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes