Blonde Jokes - Page 24

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are riding in an elevator, when they see a small puddle in the corner.
The brunette looks at it.
"That's definitely сuм," she says.
The redhead touches it.
"That's definitely сuм," she says.
The blonde takes a little taste.
"That's definitely сuм, but nobody in our building."

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Blonde Logic
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!
March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!
June - Tried to go water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slоре.
July - Lost вrеаsт sтrоке swimming competition...learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm...car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C"...isn't it?
October - Hate M & M's...they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days...instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!
December - Couldn't call 911..."duh"...there's no "eleven" button on the phone!
What a year!

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Blonde Jokes

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Nurse jokes

Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together. Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles.
One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home."
The next day, they come to work on a donkey. After work they come out and see a donkey tied to the fence.
I think we're going to have to wait again, " says the one blonde. "I'm not convinced that's our donkey."
"Why not?" asks the second blonde.
The first blonde says, "Well, this donkey only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I distinctly overhead someone say, 'Hey look at those two a**holes on that donkey.'"

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Car and driving jokes Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: What is a blonde's favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes One-Liner Jokes

She is so blonde, she thinks that Taco Веll is the Mexican phone company.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Which Hole?
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Неll and receive a challenge from the Devil - if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead. The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question - to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer. The mathematician tries as well - but the Devil instantly gets the answer. When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts.
"Now," she says, "which hole did the fаrт come out of?"
"That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them."
"No, sтuрid! It came out of my вuттhоlе!"

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Blonde Jokes Math Jokes Philosophy Jokes

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

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Blonde Jokes Christmas Jokes

Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."

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Blonde Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes Phone jokes

A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang.
It was her husband, urgently warning her, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!”
“It’s not just one car!” said the blonde.
“There’s f*ck*ng hundreds of them!”

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Phone jokes

Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold onto a thought.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Beauty Jokes Stupid Jokes

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"

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Blonde Jokes Phone jokes

A guy walked into his friend’s office.
He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?"
"Neither. He’s bald."

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Friendship Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Secretary Jokes

Q: What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?
A: Women!

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Jokes about Women Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes

Why cant a Blonde кill a fish?
Cause she always trys to drown the fish...

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work? A: In case they have to draw blood.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Nurse jokes

One day, a blonde was left alone in a lab with a beetle. She examined it and decided to do an experiment. She pulled off one of its legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command. Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty. Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn't. "I have made a new discovery!" the blonde cried. "When you pull all of a beetle's legs off, it becomes deaf!!"

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Blonde Jokes

How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"
How many Sun readers does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
How many Sun readers does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
None, but one is enough to sсrеw up the joke.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Duh.... whats a lightbulb???
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.
How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.
How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
There is nothing to change.
How many fatalists does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.

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Blonde Jokes

How do you know that a blonde was using the computer? there is white out on the screen How do you know that another blonde was using that computer? there is writing over the white out How do you know that a third blonde was using the computer? the joystick is wet

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Blonde Jokes