Blue Collar - Page 2

What drug was the duck on...
What drug was the duck on? Qwack!

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Blue Collar Jokes

There was a farmer who grew watermelons.
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"

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Blue Collar Jokes

You're A Redneck If...
You're a redneck if you hear the phrase "Take out the trash" and shoot your mother-in-law.

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Blue Collar Jokes

I love rednecks.
I have a heart of a redneck - in a jar.

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Redneck jokes Blue Collar Jokes

A young man got a new job running the register at a store. The old store owner said he would teach him how to up-sell.
"Watch how I do it," he said to the new hire.
As a customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter, the old-timer said to him, "When you plant those seeds and the grass starts growing, you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut the grass."
"You know," said the man, "I do need a new mower. Sure, I'll take one."
After the customer left, the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one."
A customer stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young salesman said, "You know, you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that."
The man asked the young salesman, "What are you talking about?"
"It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass."

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Men jokes

Remarks Never Heard at Daytona 500:
- None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.
- Tampax! Get your Tampax here!
- Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!
- Sеx with your sister? Man, that's sick.
- My God, this is a splendid Merlot.
- Hey, you with the large вrеаsтs, out of the way. We're trying to watch a race here.
- Jeeves, be a good man and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone.
- What a coincidence, Hank, all my friends are boycotting Ноотеrs, too.
- These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert.
- Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor.
- Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley.
- And now, singing our national anthem, international recording artist Boy George.

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Car and driving jokes Nationality Jokes God Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Boycott Jokes

Two ladies, a Yankee and a Southern Belle, are sitting next to each other on a plane. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from?"
The Yankee replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."
Without missing a beat, the Southern Belle bats her lashes and asks, "So, where y'all from, вiтсh?"

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Car and driving jokes Blue Collar Jokes

There were three guys in a car. One driving, the other in the passenger seat and one resting in the back. The guy in the back became sleepy and fell asleep. A few minutes later, he is startled by a "THUMP THUMP."
"What the hеll was that?" he shouted.
The driver says, "It was just a redneck."
"I felt two thumps, though," says the passenger.
"Yeah we had to go through the fence to hit him."

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Sports Jokes Blue Collar Jokes

Ma and Pa are sitting out on the front porch one day.
"You know what? Junior's 21. It's time we taught him about sеx. Junior, get out here!". Junior runs out. 'Junior, I think it's time to teach you about sеx."
"Sеx," says Junior. "What's sеx?"
"Well," Pa says. "Take off your clothes, Ma."
So Ma takes off her clothes. "You see that hole in Ma? Watch this."
Pa starts doing it right there on the porch. A little while goes by and Junior's younger brother, Bubba comes out on the porch and asks what's going on.
"Ma and Pa are teaching me about sеx."
"Sеx? What's sеx?"
"See that hole in Pa? Watch this!"

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Sports Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Sex Jokes

A redneck family's only son returns home from college. The father asks, "Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?"
The son says, "Pi R squared."
The father yells, "Why son, they ain't teached ya nothin'! Pies are round, cornbread are square."

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Redneck jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Dad Jokes Math Jokes

At a southern university, students in the psychology program attend their first class on emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," says the professor to a student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," says the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asks a young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," she says.
"And you, sir," he asks a young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replies, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up.'"

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School Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Men jokes

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists.
One was a San Francisco State University graduate from an upper-crust family; well-bred, well-connected and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Texas A & M. Go figure. The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word Timbuktu. The San Francisco State graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem: 'Slowly across the desert sand Trekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by two Destination - Timbuktu. The audience went wild! How, they wondered if the redneck could top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited: Tim and me, a-huntin' went. Met three whоrеs in a pop-up tent. They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu

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School Jokes Nationality Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Men jokes

Dear Mr.
Starr: The test on the dress came back inconclusive. Everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA. Apologies, The FBI

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Blue Collar Jokes

Redneck Воотy Call... Elvis:
Can I come over and see your Velvet Elvis?

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Blue Collar Jokes

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says President Bush, "that would be an accident."A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If Air Force One carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hеll wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Friendship Jokes American Presidents Humor

Redneck Воотy Call... Teeth:
The fewer teeth you have, the better I like it!

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Blue Collar Jokes

Redneck Воотy Call... Trailer:
A tornado knocked down my trailer. Can I go home with you?

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Blue Collar Jokes

A redneck walks into a bar with a wet, steaming pile of s**t in his hands.
He looks over at the bartender with pride and says, "Lookie what I almost stepped in!"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Blue Collar Jokes

Two cups of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."
One cup of yogurt says, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Blue Collar Jokes

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

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News and Politics Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Political Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes