BMW jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman seated over there' ..... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.
He folded his note, handed it to the waiter and asked him to deliver it to the lady.
It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be. I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages. I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. And there is over twenty million dollars in my bank accounts and portfolio.
But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back.'
Jokes about Women BMW jokes Banker Jokes Restaurant Jokes
A driver gets stopped by a cop.
Cop:
"I'm gonna have to give you an alcohol test, but I forgot to bring the рiss testers, so we'll just try something different."
Driver:
"Fine by me."
Cop:
"Imagine you're driving at night and you're seeing one headlight coming your way. What is that?"
Driver:
"Well, it's probably a motorcycle."
Cop:
"Be more specific! What sort of motorcycle? Is it a Harley, a Honda, a Yamaha..."
Driver:
"How would I know?"
Cop:
"Aha! You're looking pretty drunк to me. Let's be sure. You're driving at night and you're seeing two headlights coming your way. What is that?"
Driver:
"It's a car!"
Cop:
"Yes, but what kind? Is it a Chevy, a Nissan, a BMW..."
Driver:
"How the fuск would I know!? I think *you're* drunк! Let me give you that test. Imagine you're driving at night and you're seeing a half-nакеd woman standing by the roadside. What is that?"
Cop:
"Well, it's probably a hоокеr."
Driver:
"Yes, but which one? Your wife, your mother, your daughter..."
Chevy jokes BMW jokes
OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:

$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
Route 666 - Highway of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
Religion jokes Nationality Jokes Blonde Jokes Old People Jokes BMW jokes Banker Jokes
Click here for the latest Laffy Taffy Jokes
Why is a fат woman like a moped?
Both fun to ride but you wouldn’t want your mates to see you with one.
Yo momma so ugly that when she turned to the mirror her reflection turned away…
I was asked earlier today to submit a 1,000 word essay. I thought, “fсuк that”. So I just submitted a picture instead.
Even though we’ve been married for years, I’m still living the single life. Shiт food and no sеx.
I’ve just bought the new Beach Boys mobile phone. The ringtones are shiт but it has good vibrations.
What’s the smallest part in a BMW? The driver’s diск.
This lady in the shopping centre is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window) Related
Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Social Network Jokes Facebook Jokes Single People Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes BMW jokes
There was a young rabbi, who on Sabbath Eve announces to the congregation that he will be leaving for a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a silence. No one wants him to leave. Cohen, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and announces, "If the rabbi stays, I'll provide him with a new BMW every year, and his lovely wife with a Range Rover, to transport their children!" The congregation sighs and applauds. Feinstein, the entrepreneur and investor stands up and says,
"If the rabbi stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a college fund to guarantee the college education of his children!" More sighs and applause. Old Mrs. Horowitz, aged 96, stands and announces, "If the rabbi stays, I will have sеx with him!" There is a silence. The rabbi, blushing, asks, "Mrs. Horowitz, whatever possessed you to say that?" Mrs. Horowitz answers, "I just asked Mr. Horowitz what we could do to make the rabbi stay. Mr. Horowitz said,"fuск the rabbi."
Sex Jokes BMW jokes
School Jokes Christmas Jokes BMW jokes
A bloke bought himself a new BMW and was happily driving it down the road when he thinks to himself, “I wonder how fast this thing will go.” So he sticks his foot down, pulls up to over a hundred miles an hour and, before he knows it, he sees the blue lights flashing in his rear view mirror.
Without thinking things through, he keeps his foot firmly on the floor thinking, “I can outrun him.” After a few minutes, he comes to his senses and realises he isn’t getting away from this, so he pulls over in a rest stop.
The policeman gets out and walks over to the car. The man winds his window down. The policeman says to him, “do you realise what the seriousness of what you just did is?
“The man replies, “yes, officer, I do realise. I’m sorry.”
The policeman turns to him and explains that today is his last day till he retires it’s also fifteen minutes before the end of his last shift and so he really doesn’t want to do more paperwork, so he says to the man, “if you can think of a good excuse that I have never heard before, I will think about letting you go.”
The man sits and thinks for a minute and then says to the officer, “my wife left me this morning for a policeman. I was just afraid you were trying to give her back!”
The policeman says, “have a nice day, sir.”
Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes BMW jokes