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Criminal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Roses are Red
Violets are blue
We’re having sex
Cause i’m stronger than you.
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Sex Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Criminal Jokes Anti-Humor Jokes
PRISON OFFICER: OK, Sutcliffe, dinners finished.
What do you want for dessert? Ice Cream? Jelly?
SUTCLIFFE: No - But I could мurdеr a tart
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Office and Work Jokes Criminal Jokes
Met a beautiful girl at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sеx there and then.
God, I love my new Taser.
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Sex Jokes God Jokes Criminal Jokes
Interpol was looking for an escaped convict in Denmark, and sent pictures of the man to the Danish police. The pictures were taken from both sides and the front. …
…
After a few days the Danish police replied: “We caught the guys on the left and the right but the one in the middle is still at large.”
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Police Officer Jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes
Police are warning people to be on the lookout for suicide bombers over Christmas who are set to launch a wave of terror with a new ‘Alphabet Bomb’.
If one of those fcukers goes off, it could spell disaster.
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Christmas Jokes Police Officer Jokes Criminal Jokes
My wife said sеx was getting boring and she wanted to try something new.
She asked me to strangle her during sеx because she read it heightened the pleasure.
And it really did, for me anyway.
Her funeral is in 3 days….
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Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes
A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting “Murderer!"
"Killer!”….
….
The policeman disperses the crowd and begins to interrogate the suspect. …
The policeman :” Tell me what happened. ”
The suspect :” Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to crash the car into a group of 12 people or to swerve into a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person? ”
Policeman :” No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision. But tell me how did you end up killing 13 people?”
Suspect :” Well that coward ran towards the other 12.”
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Police Officer Jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes Single People Jokes
A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, “Give me your wallet or you’re science!”
The man says, “Don’t you mean history?”
The mugger yells, “Don’t try to change the subject!”
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Science jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes
News : ‘Man Attacked Doorman With Axe’.
Attacking a doorman is one thing, but attacking a doorman that’s got an axe?
Hats off to the bloke.
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News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes
The FBI in America sent a photograph of a wanted criminal. The photo was in three poses - front face and two sideshots. They said: “We believe this criminal is in Ireland, keep a lookout for him.” Two weeks later the Irish police sent back a message to the FBI, with the photograph, which read: “We got the fella in the middle but we’re still looking for the other two!”
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Police Officer Jokes USA Jokes Criminal Jokes
I broke into and robbed a large shop in Ireland last week.
I nearly got caught, the police had covered all the exits, so I escaped through the entrance.
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Police Officer Jokes Criminal Jokes
You know you’re good at sеx when she tells her friends.
And her family.
And the police.
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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes Criminal Jokes
The advert said, “Just two pounds a week can help reduce the problem of domestic violence in the UK.”
I suppose I could cut down, and only pound the wife twice a week.
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Criminal Jokes
В магазин влита въоръжен сексуален маниак и крещи: Ο ληστής. В един магазин влиза изнасилвач-сериен убиец: Муж с женой сидят в парилке, вдруг врывается огромный, небритый мужик с ножом в руке и орёт: Ein Terrorist überfällt einen Bus und fragt den ersten Fahrgast: "Wie heißt du?" Sie: "Ich heiße Petra!" Er: "Dann lass ich dich am Leben. Meine Frau heißt auch Petra." Schließlich fragt der Terrorist den zweiten Fahrgast: "Und du? Wie heißt du?" - "Ich heiße Markus, aber meine Freunde nennen... Temel birgün bankadayken soyguncular bankayı basmışlar. Bankadakilerin önce paralarını alıp sonra da vuruyorlarmış. Sıra Temel`in yanındaki bayana gelmiş. Soyguncu, "Adın ne" diye sormuş. "Ayşe"... Era un ladrón que estaba robando en una casa pero con tal mala suerte que llegaron los dueños de casa y lo vieron, entonces, el ladrón dice: - Como ya me vieron, los voy a tener que matar, pero... Egy házaspár lakásába éjszaka egy betörő mászik be. Mikor felfedezik, Odaugrik a feleséghez és egy kést nyom a torkához, majd felkiált: - Hogy hívnak? Szeretem tudni az áldozataim nevét! -... Meneer en mevrouw De Wit liggen lekker te slapen als er plotseling een insluiper in hun kamer staat. De kerel zet een mes tegen mevrouw De Wit haar keel en fluistert met een hese stem in haar oor:... Влегува убиец во една куќа и внатре ги затекнува мажот и жената. Ја прашува убиецот жената: - Како се викаш? - Ана. - Добро Ана, ќе ти го поштедам животот затоа што така се викаше мојата мајка! - А...
An armed robber broke into a house and found a couple sitting at their dining room table. Pointing the gun, he said, "Let me know the names of my victims before I кill them".

Wife: My name is Eunice

Robber: Oh. My mother's name is Eunice. I can't кill you. (Pointing the guy to the man) And you ?

Husband: I'm Joseph, but all my friends call me Eunice.
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Friendship Jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes
Some diскhеаd stole my wife’s purse last night.
I’m furious. All my money was in it.
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Money jokes Criminal Jokes
My next door neighbour was showing me her rаре kit, pepper spray, a whistle, a torch, a disposable camera, pens, paper, her phone tracking device, and a billiard ball in a sock.
Fuck me, mine’s only a balaclava and a knife.
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Criminal Jokes
I guess Black Friday started early in Ferguson
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Criminal Jokes
As my wife lay dead on the floor and the weapon next to her the detective said, “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“I was cleaning it and it went off”, I replied.
“It’s a fuскing bow and arrow”, He shouted.
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Criminal Jokes
I committed the perfect сriме: I put a mime artist in an airtight glass box.
Nobody suspected a thing.
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Criminal Jokes
Don’t you hate it when your girl calls you the wrong name during sеx?
My name isn’t someone help.
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Criminal Jokes Sex Jokes
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