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Dark Humor Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Meat shop

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Dark Humor Jokes

Why did my washing machine stop pumping out water?
- And more importantly, where is my hamster?

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Dark Humor Jokes

I have one thing to say to the invalid who stole my camouflage army jacket: You can hide, bro, but you can't run.

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Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Military Jokes

A cannibal is invited to a teambuilding week in the mountains. The instructions say he can also bring one friend. But when he arrives, he brings ten people. The organizer is shocked:
“Come on Alan, what the heck, the invitation said you can only bring one person!”
"Yeah, but it also said bring your own food, didn’t it?!”

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Dark Humor Jokes

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth?
A slow swimmer.

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Dark Humor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

I ran into my ex in town yesterday. Then I ran over him and backed up to run into him again.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can sтriр all flesh off a man within 15 minutes.
Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.

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Dark Humor Jokes

“You da bomb!”
“No, you da bomb!”
In America – a compliment. In the Middle East – an argument.

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Dark Humor Jokes USA Jokes

I took away my ex-girlfriend’s wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back to me?

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Dark Humor Jokes

At a first date:
He: “I work with animals every day!”
She: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”
He: “I’m a butcher.”

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Dark Humor Jokes

A nurse says to a new father, “Your baby is very pretty.”
The father looks pleased, “Really? Come on, don’t you say this to everybody?”
The nurse shakes her head, “No, of course not.”
The father wonders, “So what do you say if the baby’s ugly?”
The nurse smiles, “Then I say the baby really takes after its father.”

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Dark Humor Jokes Nurse jokes

“Mommy, there’s something wrong with the bunny…”
“Shush, child, please leave the oven door closed.”

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Dark Humor Jokes

A message for the kidnappers of my mother-in-law:
“Pshah! The pinkie is insufficient as proof! I need more evidence!”

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Dark Humor Jokes

Supermarket cashiers must be really doubly traumatized if they land in ICU – beep, beep, beep...

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Dark Humor Jokes

If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero.
But try donating five kidneys – people start yelling, police gets called – sheesh.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
- Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!

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Dark Humor Jokes

My вuтт hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records.
Not for long though. They threw me out of the library pretty quickly.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Lena: “Darling, I really think it’s time we got another baby.”
Charles: “Oh I’m quite relieved you said that. The one we have is a real pain in the neck!”

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Dark Humor Jokes