Dirty jokes - Page 35

A father has three daughters who are all getting married on the same day.
He asks his oldest daughter, ''Whom do you wish to marry? She says, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest.'' He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest.'' He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, ''I wish to marry the man with one draggin' on the floor!''

31 0

Did you hear that nursing homes are starting to give Viаgrа to the old men living there?
It's to keep them from rolling out of bed.

31 0

Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Nurse jokes Viagra jokes

A woman got married, but her husband was abusive.
She got remarried and that husband ran out on her.
She got married again and that husband failed in bed.
Finally, she put an ad in the paper: "Looking for a man who won't abuse me, won't leave me, and won't fail me in bed."
The next day, the doorbell rings. There is a man with no arms and no legs.
"Hello, I saw your ad in the paper," he says.
"Tell me a little about you."
"Well, I have no arms, so I can't hit you. I have no legs, so I can't run out on you," he replies.
"How do I know you're good in bed?" she asks.
He says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

31 0

Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow." The next day she came in wearing black! When she dropped her pen and she веnт over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.
Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.

31 0

Dirty jokes School Jokes Love Jokes

A Saudi prince recently requested that nакеd statues be covered up while visiting Rome.
Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.

31 0

Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Old People Jokes Political Jokes

Dear Husband,
I have been feeling really dirтy lately. Please do me.
Love, Dishes

31 0

Dirty jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date.
I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my diск.

31 0

Dating Jokes Dirty jokes

What’s the rudest type of Elf?
The GofuckyoursElf.

31 0

Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dirty jokes

Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the pоrn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "It's regular pоrn, you sick b*stard!"

31 0

Religion jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Hotel Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

31 0

Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes One-Liner Jokes Math Jokes

Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

31 0

Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

What starts with a 'C', ends with a 'T', and is hairy on the outside and moist on the inside?
Coconut.... What were you thinking?

31 0

Dirty jokes

There was three boys called Zip, Diск and Рiss They were in class and their teacher went out to make a phone call Right then Zip jumped on the table Diск jumped in the teachers chair And Рiss was punchin everyone in sight 3 minutes later the teacher back in and said Zip down Diск out and Рiss in the corner.

31 0

Dirty jokes School Jokes

Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."

31 0

Dirty jokes

Theres this girl,she is five.
She goes spying on her big sister and she hears her cussing out her boyfriend and she says,"you mother fuскing аsshоlе!"
Just then jill, thats the little girl,interrupts them talking and blurts out, "Big Sis,what does аsshоlе mean?
The girl surprised by the question,says BOYFRIEND!
Okay , so the girl runs off onto the bathroom.
Jill sneaks up on her dad while he was shaving and says boo!
THE dad says "Shiт!"
So the girl ask her dad "What does shiт mean?"
And he stammers "Shaving cream".
So she said okay and went about her day.
Jill then runs into her mom, who was in the kitchen cutting the turkey.
Her mom is startled when Jill comes in, cuts her hand, and says "Fuск!".
So Jill ask "What does fuск mean momma?"
And scramblimg for an answer, her mom says "cutting."
All of the sudden, they hear the door.
Jill answers and sees her Dads boss at the door.
He ask "Sweetie, do you know where you everyone is at?"
And she says, "Well, my sister’s talking to her аsshоlе, my Moms fuскing the turkey and my Dads wiping the shiт off his face."

31 0

Dad Jokes Dirty jokes Boss Jokes

A guy picks up a pr*stitute and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel.
A few days later, he finds that he has caught сrавs.
He chases down the рrоsтiтuте and says, "hey вiтсh, you gave me сrавs".
She replies, "what'd you expect for ten bucks? Lobster?"

31 0

Dirty jokes

Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.

31 0

Dad Jokes Dirty jokes American Presidents Humor

A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.

31 0

Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.

31 0

Jokes about Women Chuck Norris Jokes Sex Jokes Dirty jokes

"Johny, please, tell us, what do you do the whole day, so?"
"So, in the morning I cut the wood, sometimes with both hands, 5 minutes a day I play the guitar, to tell the truth. And in the afternoon I go to my garden to water the flowers. The lilies of the valleys and may-flowers I water most likely. Yes, they are really cute. Then I tear the leaflets to find out if the neighbor (her husband is not at home) loves me or not. The last time it came out that she loves me, fuск."

31 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Music and Musician Jokes Love Jokes