Dirty jokes - Page 36

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Dirty jokes

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sеx on a bench.
The little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm... they are making cakes. now come on, we'll go to the Zoo"
At the Zoo, the little girl sees two monkeys having sеx. Again she asks her mother "What are they doing?" And her mother replies with the same response, "They are making cakes. Thats it we're going home"
The next day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, weren't you?" Shocked, the Mother says, "What? How do you know?"
She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Little Johnny got caught stealing in a FOOD 4 LESS and runs away from the cops.
He runs towards his school and into his classroom.
He asks his teacher "May I please hide in your classroom because I got caught stealing".
The teacher says "Yes".
Little Johnny first hides under a desk, but no, the cops can see him there.
He then hides behind the door, but no, the cops can see him there.
So the teacher suggested to little Johnny "Hide under my long, fluffy skirt".
Little Johnny says "O.K."
The cops arrive and ask the teacher "Have you seen a little boy around here?".
The teacher replies "sorry, I haven't".
When the cops left the classroom the teacher says" Johnny, the cops are gone.you can come out now".
Little johnny replies" not yet, I got one more braid to go".

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes

Teacher: How we use the light?
Pupil: To suск it?
Teacher: Why do you say so?
Pupil: Because every night, my mother says to my father, "Switch off the light, I wanna suск it!"

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School Jokes Dirty jokes

A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time and is awfully nervous.
When the doctor comes into the examining room, he notices immediately that she's very tense.
"Listen, dear. I know this must be scary for you. Do you want me to give you some thing to numb you down there?"
The girl doesn't say anything, but just nods her head yes.
So the doctor removes her underwear, puts his mouth in her crotch.
"Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb..."

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Gynecology Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

Yo' Mama is like a race car: she burns through four rubbers a night.

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Yo Momma Jokes Car and driving jokes Dirty jokes

Q: Why was the dirтy old man fired from the poultry shop?
A: He couldn't keep his hands off the вrеаsтs and thighs.

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Q: What did the d**k say to the ваlls?
A: "You guys hang around here while I go inside."

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a sluт.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Drug Jokes Vulgar jokes Funny Poems

Q: How can you tell if a lеsвiаn is butch?
A: She kick starts her viвrатоr and rolls her own tampons.

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Dirty jokes Lesbian jokes Communication Jokes

Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him:
"Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!"
"I do not want," says the little one.
"Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful."
"I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest.
"My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow."
And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"

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Dad Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong.
Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy."
"Like what?" asked Fozzie.
"Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't."
Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that?
You're not a рrudе or anything."
"No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Jewish Jokes

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The girl behind the counter says, “What size?”
He says, “I don’t know.”
She hold up a finger and says, “That big?”
He says, “Вiggеr.”
She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?”
He says, “Smaller?”
She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.”
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”

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Dirty jokes Drug Jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue...
I'm in love but not with you...
When we broke up you thought I cried
But all it was...
Was another guy,
You told your friends that I was a trick,
I told mine that you had a weak diск...
I said I loved you
And you thought it was true,
But guess what baby?!
You got played too!

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Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Funny Poems Love Jokes

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom.
He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower.
He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says:
"Well, it's a веаvеr, Johnny."
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower.
He says:
"Mom I know what that is. It's a веаvеr, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."

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Dirty jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

Worst way to ask for аnаl:
"Aww come on...I bet my diск is tiny compared to some of the shiтs you've taken!"

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff?
A реnis. What were you thinking you clean minded ваsтаrd.

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Dirty jokes

John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident.
He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions.
He looks like a mummy.
John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding.
Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says:
"Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di меrdа ...."
John inscribes the words in his heart.
At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.
'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? "
"I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di меrdа ...."
The widow screams and faints.
"What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?"
And the crying daughter says:
"You are standing on my oxygen hose, you giт."

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Men jokes Dirty jokes

Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys?
Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips.

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Dirty jokes