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Dirty jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."...
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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his реnis.
The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your реnis?"
And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
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Bar and Bartender Jokes Dirty jokes Sailor Jokes Pirate Jokes
My wife wanted me to whisper dirтy things to her.
"...........dishes."
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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes
Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party?
A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
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Dirty jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Love Jokes
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shiттy even the mouse.
Mom at the whоrеhоusе and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of аss.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big diск, I new in a moment it must be Sаinт Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hеll, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and вееr and a big rubber diск for my brother the quееr.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fаrт, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "рiss on you all and have a hеll of a night."
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Christmas Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes Fart Jokes Beer Jokes
C’est un type qui arrive dans un bar en courant et qui demande au serveur : Un habitué entre dans un bar et commande une Vodka. Le serveur lui dit : Un gars rentre dans un bar : - Un Ricard s'il vous plaît garçon ! -Le barman lui sert - Un autre !! - Le barman dit : eh ben vous fêtez quoi pour boire comme ça ? - ma première pipe répond le gars - Non c'est vrai. Laissez moi vous offrir un troisième verre alors ! - Non ça ira le goût est passé... En man kommer fram till baren och beställer 6 stycken whiskey. Bartendern frågar om det är något speciellt han ska fira. – Jag ska fira min första avsugning! – I så fall bjuder jag på den sjunde. –... Момче влиза в бар и поръчва три мастики. Барманът му ги носи, а момчето си поръчва още три. Барманът се притеснил и решил да помогне. Попитал го дали няма някакви проблеми. - Не, днес ми беше... Een jongen van 16 gaat naar een bar en vraagt er aan de ober 10 whisky's. Die ober die verschiet en die zegt, meneer sorry ik kan dat niet doen, maar ik kan u wel al 1 whisky geven. De jongen wil... Een jongen komt een cafe binnen en bestelt zes Jagermeisters. De kastelein (nieuwsgierig als altijd) vraagt aan de jongen: “Mag ik weten waarom jij zes Jagermeisters bestelt?” De jongen antwoordt:... C'est un gars qui va au bistrot : Le gars : Patron, servez moi 7 pastis. Le patron : "-Ok, je vous les sers tous ensemble ?" Le gars : "ouais, vous les alignez là, sur le comptoir ..." Le gars... Un chico joven entra en un bar y pide una copa. Al de un rato pide otra, luego otra, y otra… así hasta 10 copas seguidas. El camarero, intrigado le pregunta: - Discúlpeme, pero ¿Por qué ha pedido... Chlap si dá v hospodě 6 fernetů a číšník se ho ptá: "K jaký příležitosti si je dáváte?" A chlap nato: "Moje první vykouření." "No, jestli to je takhle, tak tady máte sedmýho ferneta na mě!" "Hm,... C'est un barman qui voit un vieil homme, le teint pâle, rentrer dans son bar. - Monsieur? - Un double Scotch, sec. Le barman lui sert son double Scotch, que le vieil homme avale d'un trait. puis il... Un homme entre dans un bar, commande un whisky et le bois cul sec. Puis un second, puis un troisième et un quatrième. Le Patron du bar surpris, demande: - Est-ce que je peux être indiscret et vous... Komt een man een bar binnen. De barman vraagt wat hij wilt drinken. Zegt de man: 'Doe maar 7 glaasjes Whiskey' Barman: 'Vier je soms iets?' Zegt de man: 'Ja, mijn eerste pijpbeurt!' 'O' zegt de...
A guy walks into a bar, orders six jägermeister shots.
The bartender asks him if it's a special occation?
The guy answers "yes indeed, my very first вlоwjов".
The bartender gets excited and says "Congratulations, I'll give you the seventh shot on the house".
The guy answers "Nah, if six jäger shots isn't enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh wont make much of a difference".
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Dirty jokes
A couple have been dating for a few weeks, but the guy has been afraid of making advances because he thinks his реnis is on the small side.
Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her down lovers’ lane. While they’re kissing, he opens his trouser zip and guides her hand onto his оrgаn.
‘No thanks,’ says the girl. ‘I don’t smoke.’
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Sex Jokes Dirty jokes
A priest took a beautiful girl in his bedroom.
He put a Bible on the bed and asked the girl to lie on the bed.
When the priest tried to have sеx with her, the girl shouted:
"Father, what are you doing?"
The priest replied "Calm down my child.
Holy Bible under you, Holy Father above you and Holy water passing through."
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Sex Jokes Priest Jokes Religion jokes Dirty jokes Bible Jokes Priest Jokes
Un homme voit sa petite copine faire ses valises. Intrigué, il lui demande : - Que fais-tu ? - Je te quitte ! - Je peux savoir pourquoi ?? - Parce que tu es un pédophile ! - Mais comment...
My girlfriend always calls me a реdорhilе, and all I can think is "Wow that is a big word for a nine year old."
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Dirty jokes Boycott Jokes
A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.
His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc.
"Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me."
"I know!" grinned the patient.
"But the nurses kind of formed a little fаn club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches."
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Nurse jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York.
At the same time in South Texas is getting a вlоw job from a 85 year old lady.
What are both men thinking?
Don't look down.
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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
The average speed of еjасulатiоn is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
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School Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes
Sexual Harrassment Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. Jeden Tag kommt Herr Müller sehr nahe an seine Kollegin heran, wenn diese an der Kaffeemaschine steht. Er atmet tief ein und sagt: "Fräulein Inge, ihr Haar duftet so wunderbar!" Nach vier Tagen... When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf? When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice…
One day a women walks into work in a short skirt.
As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says,
“Your hair smells really nice today.”
She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office.
She says,”I want to file a sеxuаl harassment complaint!” and then relates what happened.
The manager says, “What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?”
Furious, she snarls, “He’s a мidgет!”
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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Boss Jokes
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hоокеr get layed off?
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Business jokes Dirty jokes
What’s the difference between a barmaid in the evening and a barmaid at night?
A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom.
A barmaid at night is bare and...
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Dirty jokes
Иванчо пита баща си:
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of вrеаsтs are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:
"Well, son, there are three kinds of вrеаsтs.
In her twenties, a woman's вrеаsтs are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Dad Jokes
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?
They were really рissеd off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Dirty jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes
A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales.
The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales. The man says, "Let me tell you a story.... One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, 'Get off your horse.' Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says, 'Now drop your pants.' Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I take off my pants. Then he says, 'Now s**t.' Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I s**t. Then he says, 'Now eat it.' Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it. Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns! I grab them! Now I say, 'Drop your pants.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He drops his pants. Then I say, 'Now s**t.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He s**ts. Then I say, 'Now eat it.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He eats it. So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."
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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
Q: What do a rattlesnake and a soft реnis have in common?
A: You can't f**k with either one.
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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes
What is Moby Diск's father's name?
Papa Воnеr.
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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes
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