Dirty jokes - Page 33

Q: What's long and hard and full of sемеn?
A: A submarine.

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Dirty jokes

China lets Chuck Norris search for роrn on Google.

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Sex Jokes China Jokes Technology Jokes Dirty jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea?
"Look I found deep nuts."

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

What do Blondes say after sеx? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

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Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lеsвiаns?
One hundred people who don't do diск.

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Lawyer Jokes

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sеx education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sеx education on TV.
Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. Great, said the teacher, that's very important.
Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. Well, that has to do with it too, said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sеx education. Yes it does, said Johnny, it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne.

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Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dirty jokes

Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an altar boy!

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Men vs Women Jokes Religion jokes Dirty jokes Priest Jokes Catholic Jokes

A young man walks into a bar and orders a Kamikaze.
As soon as he is severed he slams it down.
And before the bartender can walk away he calls out I need a shot of Tequila.
So the bat tender pours the tequila.
And no sooner than he is server he slam it back and then the young man asks for a shot of Gin.
The bar tender compiles with the request, and out of curiosity asks the young man are you celebrating?
The young man nods, and says quietly mt first вlоw job.
The bartender smiles and says I remember my first.
The young man looks up and says so how did you get rid of that taste?

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?"
But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"

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Men jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Nurse jokes

Two friends talk:
"Hi, what are you doing?"
"Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card."
"Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?"
"No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."

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Valentine's Day Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday.
Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles.
At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.
Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin".
BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs:
"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are sсrеwing a pumpkin?'
He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said,
'A pumpkin? Dамn...is it midnight already?'"

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Parent Jokes Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.”
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets.
He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.
He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Why do women fake оrgаsмs?
Because they think men care.

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.

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Single People Jokes Dirty jokes

The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus,
but you're too shy to start маsтurватing in front of everyone...

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Masturbation jokes Dirty jokes

How can you tell if your house was built by lеsвiаn carpenters?
All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.

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Dirty jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Lesbian jokes

Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viаgrа?
A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.

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Viagra jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

There was three girls and they all had boyfriends and separate rooms.
The mom walked by all the rooms.
The first room she hears laughing, the second room she heard screaming and the third was totally quiet.
The mom was suspicious, so she asked the third girl why was she so quiet she replied, "My boyfriend said not to talk with my mouth full."

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Sex Jokes Dirty jokes

My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinаl to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot вiggеr than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."

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