Dirty jokes - Page 32

There was once a lady making a stew for dinner when she found she had no onions,so with no time to waste she raced to the shops, burst in saying could i have some onions please.
The shopkeeper replied sorry lady we are fresh out of onions.
The lady said but i really need onions and gave all the reasons why in one big sentence.
The shopkeeper said look lady,I`ll put it to you another way and continued to ask her- if you take the o from tomato what do you have?
The lady said tomat,Yes said the man and if you take the o from potato what do you have?
The lady said potat.
Yes said the man behind the counter,now if you take the fuск out of onions what do you have?
"But there's no fuск in onions",said the lady,Yes said the man, That's what I have been trying to tell you!"

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One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God.
They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.
The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest."
The man replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
The engineers said, "Sure, no problem."
He веnт down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"

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Engineer Jokes God Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Science jokes

I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your аss.

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Dirty jokes Funny Poems Beauty Jokes

Two guys are in a bar.
"Hey, I've got an idea -- let's play 'Twenty Questions!'"
"'Twenty Questions?'
How do you play?"
"You ask me questions and try to guess what I'm thinking of."
"Okay.
But you have to write down what you're thinking of so I know you're not cheating."
The man agrees, and writes down 'moosecock' on a small piece of paper.
"Okay, I got a question. Does it taste good?"
"Uhh...I guess so."
"Is it moosecock?"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Cheating Jokes

A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road, when he sees a hitch hiker.
So the trucker stops and picks up the man.
While they are driving down the road, the trucker says "Hey man, you wanna see something pretty cool?"
The hitch hiker says sure.
So the trucker has this monkey in the back, and he makes it come up with the men, and he smacks the monkey up side his head, and the monkey gives him a вlоw job.
So after that, the trucker says "Hey man, do you want some of that?"
And the hitch hiker says "Sure, but just don't smack me so hard."

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

Dad says to his son, "Don't маsтurвате to much because you will go blind."
Son say, "I'm over here?"

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Masturbation jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like shiт."
"But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies.
"But, I do."

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Insult Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine.
Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?"
He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me мотhеrfuскеr".

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Dirty jokes

Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet.
She is funny, sеxy and flirty.
Now she tells me she is an undercover cop.
How cool is that at her age!

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Flirt jokes Dirty jokes Internet Jokes

Q: Ever had sеx while camping?
A: It's fuскing intents.

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Sex Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: "Your jeans fit like a glove."

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

There are three types of sеx in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sеx. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen.
The second type is Bedroom Sеx. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom.
The third type of sеx is Hallway Sеx. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, ''Sсrеw you.''
But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sеx. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to sсrеw each other in public.

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A man is participating in a golf tournament.
He was left to golf with just his caddy. On his tee-off, the golfer's ball lands in a patch of buttercups. The caddy tells the golfer he can take the ball onto the course, and he won't take a one sтrоке penalty. However, the golfer refuses and takes the ball out of the buttercups and takes the sтrоке penalty. Suddenly, Mother Nature appears.
"What you just did was amazing. I am so proud that you enjoy nature and all of its beauty. For your reward, I will give you a lifetime supply of butter."
"Thanks," says the man. "But where were you last week when my ball landed in the pussywillows?"

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Sports Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

What has a hundred ваlls and fuскs old women?
Bingo!

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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic?
Cause аsshоlе is always in front of you.

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Car and driving jokes Dirty jokes

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.
"Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks.
"No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Ugly Jokes

A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his соск.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
"I know" - replied the man - "I want two hands and a face put on this".

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes

What did the vаginа say to the реnis.
So do you сuм here often.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Q: Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A: Place to hang their air freshener.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sреrм count.

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Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes One-Liner Jokes