Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
"Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"
At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?"
"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse.
Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you рriск his boil?"
"OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.

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I wanted to be an оrgаn donor, but the doctors never de-livered.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps!
Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible!
What sister?
Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh dear, that's a lot of calories!
Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!
Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God
When did this start?
Well first I created the sun, then the earth...
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm invisible
Who said that?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Cancer gets checked for Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one.
Two bats comment:
"What's happened to this one?
I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.

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Animal Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues?
Because he had a stinking cold.

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Animal Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

What do cows get when they are sick?
Hay Fever.

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Animal Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Patient: Doctor, I have a tendency to gain weight in certain places. What would you recommend?
Doctor: Stay out of those places!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck has never cried...Ever.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with hеrреs?
A: The guy who gave it to him.

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my аss."
The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"

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Gross Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision?
A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck.

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Divorce Jokes

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says.
“Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods…
“I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
“From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

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Blonde Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Gynecology Jokes American Presidents Humor

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
"I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want no vacaine because I’m in a big hurry," the woman said.
"Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed.
"You’re certainly a courageous woman," he said.
"Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

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Dentist Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first соw said, "I tell you, this mad-соw-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other соw replied, "Неll, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."

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Animal Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?".
"Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor.
"How's that going to help me?", asks the man.
"I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Tax jokes

Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment?
A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!

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Dentist Jokes Religion jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A guy is going down on a рrоsтiтuте.
During the process he pulls out a piece of corn.
Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues.
Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick."
The whоrе looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”

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