Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".

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Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Veterinarian Jokes

Doctor:
"What seems to be your trouble?"
Patient:
"When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour."
Doctor:
"Try getting up one hour later."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Doctor (to an absent-minded patient):
"What is wrong with you?"
Patient:
"I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine."
Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while):
"Here, Take this."
Patient:
"Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes Old People Jokes

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Herm is 85 years old and retired.
He gets a checkup with his physician.
A week or so afteward the doc sees Herm strolling the boardwalk with his arm around a beautiful, comely young female.
The doctor stops him and asks, “Herm, you must be feeling terrific, yes?”
Herman says, “Just following orders, Doc. You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful."
The physician exclaims, “Herm, that's not what I told you!
I said, ‘Your heart's got a murmur.
Be careful.’”

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked,
"Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said,
"He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked,
"Is it a good baby?"
She said,
"Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A woman come to a doctor, with bumps and bruising all over her body.
The woman complains that it was her husband, who beat her.
Doctor tells in surprise:
"I thought your husband was out of town."
"So did I..."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts?
Doctor: Well, stop doing it!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

“I asked the doctor how my check-up went. All he said was, 'Get will soon.'”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A man who recently had a sеx-change operation was talking to his former
Buddies at work about the operation.
"Was it painful?" someone asked.
"Well,"she said.
"There was one part that was extremely painful."
"I bet I know what
Part was so painful," someone else said.
"I bet it was when they cut off your
Balls," they said.
"No," she said.
"I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a
Thing."
"Then it must have been when they cut off your рескеr," another
Person offered.
"No," she said.
"I was sedated then too, and didn't feel
Anything."
"Then what part of the operation was so painful?"
They wanted to
Know.
"Well," she said.
"After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in
My ear and suскеd out half of my brains."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes

Yo' Mama is so skanky, her сrавs ride dune buggies.

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Yo Momma Jokes Insult Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A woman went to her doctor for advice.
She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for аnаl sеx, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.
The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"
She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?"
She said no.
The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice аnаl sеx, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified.
She asked, "You can get pregnant from аnаl sеx?"
The Doctor replied, "Of course.
Where do you think lawyers come from?"

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Lawyer Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

Patient:
" I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?"
Doctor:
"You've had an accident involving a bus."
Patient:
"What happened?"
Doctor:
"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Patient:
"Give me the bad news first."
Doctor:
"Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them."
Patient:
"That's terrible! What's the good news?"
Doctor:
"There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes News and Politics Jokes Dirty jokes

There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”"
The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine."
The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A doctor?"
"And why's that?"
"Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: When will scientists cure the common cold?
A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.

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Birthday Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Political Jokes Science jokes Republican jokes

The pregnancy report of Santu’s wife came.
Doctor said, "Oh, nothing to get excited, it was just the gas problem."
Santu looks up at the sky towards the God and says, "Lord, What have you given me, a реnis or an Air Pump."

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God Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes