Fishing jokes, Fisherman jokes, Fish jokes

Q: What's the difference between apple pie and рussy?
A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.

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Bill and Earl are out playing golf.
They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing.
Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"

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Fishing Jokes Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Golf jokes

Fishing in a frozen lake
It was a cold winter day.
An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite.
He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him.
The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer.
"Son" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble.
You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish!
How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."
The boy spat the bait into his hand and said... "You have to keep the worms warm!"

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Men jokes Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Fishing Jokes

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend.
We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
Sunday night, he returns.
His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"
"Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Fishing Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiот," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."

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Fishing Jokes Sports Jokes God Jokes Boss Jokes

Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.
Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.

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Fishing Jokes Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else
Click bait.

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Fishing Jokes

Dating is a lot like fishing...
Sure there is plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, I am just stuck here holding my rod.

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Fishing Jokes

What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
"When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!

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Fishing Jokes Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Golf jokes

My teacher didn’t believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.
She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

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School Jokes Animal Jokes Fishing Jokes Dog jokes

A tourist was drowning in the sea:
Help! Help! He screams.
Very calm the fisherman says:
Press F1 already and stop screaming.
You’re scaring the fishes away.

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Fishing Jokes Animal Jokes Computer Jokes

My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me.
It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.

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Fishing Jokes

My friend is making a lot of easy money by selling pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

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Fishing Jokes

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day. After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks,
"Grandpa, can I have a cigar?"
The old man asks, "Son, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The young boy says no.
"Then u can't have a cigar."
Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a вееr. The young boy asks,
"Grandpa, can I have a вееr?"
The old man asks, "Son, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a вееr."
Another 20 minutes passes, and the young boy opens a bag of potato сhiрs. The old man asks,
"Son, can I have some of your сhiрs?"
The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says,
"Well good, then go fuск yourself, these are my сhiрs."

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Fishing Jokes Men jokes Boycott Jokes Beer Jokes

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...
Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

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Fishing Jokes

I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and сhiрs on the way home.
I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

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Fishing Jokes

I phoned my wife...
... And said "would you like me to pick up fish & сhiрs on the way home from work"
She had just grunted down the phone.
I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins

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Fishing Jokes

What kind of STD's do fish get?
Merm-aids

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Fishing Jokes

My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?
- Because the other fish were crying.
Edit: *One of them dies.

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Fishing Jokes

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day
Give a fish a man and feed it for a month

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Fishing Jokes