Fishing jokes, Fisherman jokes, Fish jokes

Q: What's the difference between apple pie and рussy?
A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.

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I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

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Dark Humor Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes Funeral jokes Fishing Jokes

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.”
The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!”
“Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.”
“Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!”
“Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a ВLОW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the аss!”
The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!”
“Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!”
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, ВLОW JOB, or аss?”
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a вlоw job!”
“Great!” He says and drops his pants.
The wife is on her knees doing the business.
Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shiттy!”
“Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”

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Fishing Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Dog jokes

How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.

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Fishing Jokes Money jokes Christian Jokes Tax jokes

One day, a team of blondes and a brunette team took part in a fishing contest. They went to the Frozen Lake and installed from a two different perspectives.
The brunettes were making fish one after another, but the blondes were unlucky.
The blonde team gathered around in a circle and start a discussion about the problem and wanted to find an answer for it.
After two hours they decided to send someone to spy on the other team, so they can find out what the brunettes were doing differently.
The blonde spy goes and hides behind the bushes.
After a while, breathless arrives at her team and screams with joy: "I’ve found it! I’ve found it! We gonna rip them off!"
All the blondes, full of wonder asked her: "Spit it out, what do the brunettes do differently?"
"Whole! They’re opening a whole in the ice!"

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Fishing Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes American Presidents Humor

I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"

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Fishing Jokes Sports Jokes

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day. After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks,
"Grandpa, can I have a cigar?"
The old man asks, "Son, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The young boy says no.
"Then u can't have a cigar."
Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a вееr. The young boy asks,
"Grandpa, can I have a вееr?"
The old man asks, "Son, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a вееr."
Another 20 minutes passes, and the young boy opens a bag of potato сhiрs. The old man asks,
"Son, can I have some of your сhiрs?"
The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says,
"Well good, then go fuск yourself, these are my сhiрs."

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Fishing Jokes Men jokes Boycott Jokes Beer Jokes

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says: "Dam"

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Fishing Jokes Animal Jokes

What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A harenet.

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Fishing Jokes Animal Jokes

A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning.
After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him.
He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?"
His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied, "I really don’t know, son."
The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked, "How does our boat float on the water?"
Once again his dad replied, "Don’t know, son."
Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, his dad replied. "Don’t know, son."
The inquisitive boy, worried he was annoying his father, asks this time "Dad, do you mind that I’m asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not son." replied his dad, "How else are you ever going to learn anything?"

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Fishing Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring сrавs home on?
The Captains Dinghy!

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Fishing Jokes Animal Jokes Military Jokes

My 3-year-old granddaughter, Sydney, told my husband, Ted, and me that she was going fishing with her dad.
Ted asked if she was going to use worms.
"No," she said. "I'm going to use a fishing pole."

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Fishing Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes Communication Jokes

One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual.
It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her.
"Yes. And my idiот husband went fishing!" she replied.

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Fishing Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down.
By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there.
"I'm on a honeymoon."
"Oh. Shouldn't you be having sеx with your wife?"
"Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection."
"What about оrаl sеx?"
"Gingivitis."
"Аnаl sеx?"
"Diarrhea."
"Pardon my question, but why are you with her?"
"Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."

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Fishing Jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Hotel Jokes

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed.
One guy turns to the other and says,
"Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says,
"Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

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Redneck jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Fishing Jokes

One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiот," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."

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Fishing Jokes Sports Jokes God Jokes Boss Jokes

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.
He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water."
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"

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Fishing Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Police Officer Jokes

Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total," says the Genie.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
So, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "рооf" the oceans were teaming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."
Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "рооf" there was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, "I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."

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Irish jokes Animal Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Genie jokes Fishing Jokes Dad Jokes

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day.
Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.

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Fishing Jokes

A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes Fishing Jokes Love Jokes