Food Jokes - Page 11

Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A: Meet Patty.

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Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
A: Tear gas.

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London.The waiter tells them, "Excuse me - if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad соw disease."
The Texan says, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "What's a steak?"
The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"

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Nationality Jokes Food Jokes Restaurant Jokes

A Rolls Royce pulls up in to an expensive restaurant. A sheik emerges, followed by a harem of women and a rooster. After ordering for himself and his harem, the sheik requests a basket of apples for the rooster.
The rooster proceeds to eats three baskets of apples. The waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster.
The sheik explains, "A genie granted me three wishes. My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beautiful women. And my third wish was to have an insatiable соск."

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Food Jokes Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Money jokes Restaurant Jokes

Patty was quietly minding her own business, eating her soup alone in her booth at a local eatery, when a voice startled her from behind.
It was the guy in the booth behind her.
"Not so loud!" he said.
"What?" she questioned, as she took another spoonful of soup.
"I said not so loud!" was his muffled reply.
Embarrassed at being told she was slurping her soup, she pushed away her bowl and started her grilled cheese sandwich.
"How was your day?" questioned the man from behind once again.
"Pretty good" responded Patty, confused that this stranger would care.
"Did you pass the exam?" came the next question from behind.
"I don't know, I didn't get my grade yet" replied a thoroughly bewildered Patty.
"I'll have to call you back when I'm out of here", came the voice from behind once again, "some nut job is answering every question I ask you!

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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Stupid Jokes Superhero Jokes

An apple, a banana and a реnis got into an argument one day.
The apple says sadly "I have the worst life ever. People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground."
The banana says "You think that's bad?
People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor."
The реnis laughs. "You guys have it easy. You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!"

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Dirty jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.
The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years."
The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Food cold!" the man replied.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?"
"Robe dirтy!" the man exclaimed.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"I quit!" said the man.
"Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"

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Church jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes

A desperate man goes to the doctor because he can't get a hard-on. He says:
"Doc I can't live without sеx, I need the use of my equipment back!!"
The Doc says:
"There is an experimental procedure where the muscles of a baby elephants' trunk are removed and implanted in your реnis, this gives you the full use of your реnis."
"Great I'll do it."
Some time after the procedure, the man is at dinner with his date. He feels a rustle in his pants. So he just ignored it.
It happens again.
So he figured it just needed some air.
So he unzips his pants to let it out. The problem seemed to go away until his реnis reached up onto the table, grabbed a roll and disappeared back under the table.
His date stared in complete awe and said:
"Can you do that again"
"Probably but I don't think I could fit another roll up my аss."

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Sex Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes

Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee.
"Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Computer Jokes Love Jokes

Chuck Norris can get a Pepsi out of a Coke machine.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Food Jokes

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s ваlls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing теsтiсlе with a pickled onion.
Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sеx life?” asked the doctor.
“Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief.
But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.”
“What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously.
“Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.”
“Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully.
“That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me оrаlly, she gets heartburn.”
“Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened.
“It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an еrестiоn!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Two thieves each sneak into a rich man's party. During dinner the thieves marveled at how even the cutlery was made of gold, and both decided they would try to steal some.
The first thief quietly slipped a golden spoon into his pocket, unaware that the second thief had witnessed this сriме.
After dinner, the second thief comes up with a way to steal a golden spoon without suspicion being placed on him.
He picks up a golden spoon identical to the first and holds it up in front of the party-goers explaining he wishes to show them a magic trick.
"And now..." he speaks to the crowd and points towards the first thief,
"I will put this spoon into my pocket, and remove it from this gentleman here's own pocket!"

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Money jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says:
"Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?"
"Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Food Jokes

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.
There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks.
But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.
Very frustrating.
One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious.
He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.
Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Beauty Jokes Nurse jokes Dog jokes

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant.
The waiter brought the food and put it on the table.
After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner.
We actually talked to each other.
It was awful!

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Old People Jokes Technology Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.
The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Customer service jokes Phone jokes

Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2

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Science jokes Food Jokes Chemistry Jokes Nerd jokes

Yo mamma is so fат when she tried to go to McDonald's she tripped over Wendy's and landed on Burger King.

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Fat Jokes