Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes

A farmer gets a phone call from his son.
"I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive."
"Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it."
About 20mins later he gets another call..."
"Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"

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Gross Jokes

What's worse than seeing a worm in your apple?
Seeing half a worm!

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: Who is brave?
A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fаrт!

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Fart Jokes

A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and took a seat beside me. After some moments I dared to ask her:
"Excuse me lady do you mind me please to ask you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife."
The lady responded: "It is Chanel and from Paris."
After about ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out.
Some seconds later she broke and said: "Offf... what is this smell my God"?
I said: "Gar lic and from Gilroy city in California."

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Beauty Jokes Fart Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

If you have a grief nobody feels.
If you have a pain nobody feels.
If your heart is broken nobody feels, but if you fаrт all will understand.

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Gross Jokes Funny Poems Fart Jokes

Q: Why do men fаrт louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.

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Man Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Fart Jokes

The mother said, ''Son don't say рiss in church. Next time you have to рiss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''

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Gross Jokes Church jokes Dad Jokes

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiот! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

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Gross Jokes Drug Jokes

I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69.
She said, "No, but I have done 53 - that's all the sailors I could sсrеw in one night."

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Sailor Jokes

Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water?
A: Swimmers are farting.

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Gross Jokes Sports Jokes Fart Jokes

An old woman walks into a s*ex shop, shaking.
"Sir," she asks in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am."
"And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you turn them off?"

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Masturbation jokes

My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!

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Gross Jokes Military Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Chemistry Jokes Fart Jokes

When I reached bus stop I saw a pretty blonde who was gazing me.
First I supposed perhaps she loves me so I also watched her and twinkled her.
Then I understood she has farted and is looking me in order whether I would feel or not.

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Blonde Jokes Gross Jokes Beauty Jokes Fart Jokes Love Jokes

Yo mama is so fат whenever I want to make sеx I would request her to fаrт in order to find the address of her аss.

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Yo Momma Jokes Gross Jokes Sex Jokes Fart Jokes

A man dies, and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and starts talking to them.
"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."
Then she whispers, "You know that вlоw job I promised you? Well, here it comes."

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Gross Jokes Car and driving jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sick and Death Jokes Insurance Comedy

An OHIO STATE UNIVERSITYmortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table.
Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, hebegan to examine the body. When he rolled it over he was shocked to see a cork inthe man's вuтт. Mystified, he pulled out the cork and immediately heard theUniversity of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's вuтт. Shaken by what had happenedhe quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get hisinstructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what Idiscovered!" Annoyed by theinterruption, he said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery." When they entered themorgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table andpromptly removed the cork. Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song hequickly replaced the cork in the cadavers вuтт and said, "What's so surprising aboutthat? I've heard thousands of аsshоlеs sing that song!"

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School Jokes Gross Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Student jokes

On a cold day of January, I went to visit one of my friends in his house; it was snowing and my friend urged me to stay the night with him.
They had only 2 rooms one for themselves and other for their baby; so I suggested to rest in baby' room.
In middle of the night, I need WC which was in the garden and was so difficult for me to go there.
I thought some moments then decided to change my place with the baby.
I did so.
And рissеd in the place of baby; when I returned to change again I saw that the baby had shiттеd in my bed!

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Friendship Jokes Gross Jokes Baby Jokes

Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

One night my mother in law came to our home.
In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC.
She farted.
I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"

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Mother-in-Law Jokes Gross Jokes Military Jokes Terrorist jokes Fart Jokes

A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast."
The doctor replies, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your вuтт."
Two months later, she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was."
But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down. He asks, "Where did you get this twitch?"
The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch; I'm chewing bubble gum."

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes