Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Johnny comes back from school crying and says,
"Mommy, all the kids in the school say I have a big head."
His mother replies,
"No, you don't, Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings."

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In Sunday school little Kathy was drawing a Nativity picture…. There were Mary and Joseph, shepherds and wise men.
“What’s that in the corner Kathy?” asked the teacher.
“That’s their TV, of course,” replied Kathy.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

Kid: you no I want for Christmas. Santa:what? Kid: a boner

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes

A boy and his mum go christmas shopping and they see two women having a fight, and their calling each other b*tches and ваsтаrds and diскs and vaginas. when they get to the car the boy asks his mum what a b*tch and ваsтаrd is, so she replies well a b*tch is a girl and a ваsтаrds a boy. The boy then asks whats a diск and a vаginа and she says a diск is a hat and a vaginas a coat. so they go home and the kid goes up stairs to the toilet and his dads shaving in the shower and he cuts himself and says shiт! and the boy goes what's shiт? then his dad says oh um, just a new type of shaving cream i'm using. then then kid goes downstairs where his mum accidenatally cuts herself cutting the turkey and she says f***k! so the boy asks what fuск is and his mum goes just a new way of cutting the turkey. then the door веll rings and the boys yells i'll get it and opens the door and his grandparents have aarrived for lunch and the kid goes welcome b*tches and barstards! you can put your diскs and vaginas over there! dads putting shiт on his face and mums f***king the turkey!

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes

A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening planned for he and his wife. He sent the two older kids to the movies but could not persuade the youngest boy to go along.
Finally he makes a deal with the boy. If the boy will go sit on the curb in front of their house, the father will give the boy 5 bucks for every man he sees go by in a red hat.
A while later the little boy comes running into the house and bangs on the bedroom door and shouts:
"Dad, if you think you're getting sсrеwеd in there, you'd better come outside, 'cause there's a Shriner's convention going past."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

The baby came out, and they said, 'What is it, Dad?' And I had no idea. I've seen women before; it looked nothing like this. They're swollen in certain places. I said, 'I don't know what it is. It's ours. We'll love it. We'll keep it. Don't put it back.'

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

I heard the doctor ask the kid how is your рussy,is it num or hоrny or feels like it needs some spice

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a goat.”
“How long have you been like this?”
“Since I was a kid.”

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

In a kids bedroom:
3 year old: I can't sleep
Father: Why not?
3 year old: There are scary monsters under my bed.
Father: Scarier than your mother?
3 year old:
"Zzz"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

FАТ BULLY: Hey shorty i can see your feet in your drivers licence photo. SHORT KID: Hey fат аss you chased a bus full of white kids and yelled comeback here тwinкiе.

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Fat Jokes

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.
Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

The neighborhood I grew up in had a sign that said, 'Go Slow -- Deaf Child'... Nowadays, I drive by that sign and all I can think is, 'When is this deaf kid gonna get his act together and move out of his parents' house?'

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

During weekly visits to my allergist, I’ve noticed a lot of inattentive parents with ill-behaved children in the waiting room. So I was impressed one day to see a mother with her little boy, helping him sound out the words on a sign.
Finally he mastered it and his mother cheered, "That’s great! Now sit there. I’ll be back in 15 minutes."
What did the sign say?
"Children must not be left unattended."

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Kids Jokes

There was a grandpa and a kid on a porch and the grandpa had a cigar and the boy said CAN I HAVE ONE! And the grandpa then said can your реnis touch your аss and the boy said no so then the grandpa said then you can't have one. Later the boy had some cookies and the grandpa said can I have one? And the boy said can your реnis touch your аss and the grandpa said НЕLL YEAH!! So the boy said THEN GO FUСК YOURSELF THESE ARE MY COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won’t make you carry them.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

A mother and her young son returned home from the grocery store. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them is the seal is broken. I'm looking for the seal."

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

The man in the cafe asked the waiter, "What is this mouse doing in my alphabet soup?"
The waiter looked for a minute and said,
"Learning to read sir."

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

A little boy was walking down the street with a steak on his head, a man walked over to him and asked: Little boy why have you got a steak on your head? The little boy replied I'm not a little boy I’m a fork!

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

Little Johnny’s teacher was teaching the kids about starvation.
Being a good teacher she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.
Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.
The teacher said, “that’s very good Sue. What is it?”
Sue said, “that’s a plate with only three carrot sticks to eat, I think that …represents starvation.”
Next went Dan, he drew a round circle with 3 dots in the middle. The teacher said, “that’s good Dan. What is it?”
Dan said, “that’s a plate with only 3 peas to eat. I think that represents starvation.”
Johnny went next. He drew a picture of a round circle with little squiggely lines all over in the circle.
The teacher said, “that’s good Johnny. What is it?”
Johnny said, “that’s an a-hole with cob webs…….. If that isn’t starvation, I don’t know what is.

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Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes

Little Jimmy's mother was serving prunes for dessert, but little Jimmy didn't like prunes one little bit! He grumbled and complained and absolutely refused to eat them. Mother was very cross and told Jimmy that God would be very angry if he didn't eat his prunes. Still he wouldn't eat them, so in desperation, mother sent him to his room. Later in the evening a fierce thunderstorm blew up. There was much thunder and lightning. Feeling somewhat sorry for little Jimmy and thinking that he might be afraid of the storm, mother went up to his room. When she opened the door, Jimmy was kneeling looking out the window. Mother heard him say, "Gee whiz, God, all this just for two measly prunes?"

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Kids Jokes God Jokes