Kids Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

So a kid goes up to his father and says..
"Dad I had sеx today!" Then the Dad says
"Good son good come sit down with me".
Then the kid says.. "I cant, my аss hurts".

0 0

Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

When I was a kid, my dad said, “Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted,”
“Are you kidding? Really?” I shouted, my eyes welling up with tears.
“Yup, get ready,” he said. “They’ll be picking you up in about a half an hour.”

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

One day, two little friends were walking home from school and kid #1 said,” I have noticed, in the morning while looking out my window that your father goes to work earlier than my dad, yet they work together... Why is that?" Then kid #2 not having a clear answer, replies "well, he goes early to swing on the gate!"

0 0

Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

I work a lot but still want to help around the house and with the kids. My wife asked me to do the dishes, put the kids to bed and read a bedtime story.
The next day she had no assignments for me so I asked why. She informed me that I just don’t have the skill set and that she had to redo the dishes.
I said how about the bedtime story thing? She said, well, ok, but this time you have to read it out loud.

0 0

Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter spoke up.
“You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.”

0 0

Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes

The young boy protested vigorously when his mother asked him to take his little sister along fishing. “The last time she came,” he objected, “I didn’t catch a single fish.” “I’ll talk to her,” his mother said, “and I promise this time she won’t make any noise.”
“It wasn’t the noise, Mom,” the boy replied. “She ate all my bait.”

0 0

Kids Jokes Single People Jokes

My mother always told me, 'Boy, if somebody asks you a sтuрid question, you give them a sтuрid answer.' The cops walked up to my car, 'Would you like to step out of the car?' I said, 'Неll no, it's hot! I got the air conditioner on. How about you hop your аss in here with me?'

0 0

Kids Jokes

I never really had pets when I was a kid. There was one time I asked my mom for a puppy. She was like, 'Nah, puppies cost too much. I'm gonna get you a dog from the shelter. They cheaper.' I don't know if you know about those dogs from the shelter, but they be a little bit off. We ended up getting, like, a crackhead dog.

0 0

Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

I'm from Chicago, but I pay child support in Seattle. I'm just kidding -- I don't pay child support.

0 0

Kids Jokes

Kid: I'm way better than you!
Me: At being a f*cking cunt

0 0

Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed? …
…
Put velcro on the ceiling!

0 0

Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Say girl, are you a gorilla exhibit? Cause I wanna drop a kid in you.

0 0

Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

And now I'm getting older, so my mom wants grandchildren. I said, 'Mom, go for it.'

0 0

Kids Jokes

(Grandpa) Kids these days don't know history or politics.
(Grandson) I do grandpa, I know history and politics.
(Grandpa) OK then, who is Mitt Romney?
(Grandson) He was a tank commander in WWII, right?

0 0

Kids Jokes Military Jokes Political Jokes

Five-year old Jeffery was sitting next to an elderly lady in church. When it came time to put money in the collection plate, the lady didn't have any money so she passed the plate on to the next person, who was sitting to Jeffery's right.
He watched the proceedings and finally spoke to the elderly lady, "We didn't want any did we?"
She had to contain her laughter.

0 0

Money jokes Kids Jokes

I wasn’t concentrating while driving this morning and crashed into a ‘Stop’ sign. I got out of the car to check the damage.
The sign was slightly веnт and there was a small scratch on my bumper. Both could be repaired cheaply, so that wasn’t too bad.
It wasn’t all good news, though. I could tell from the kids’ screams that the lollipop man was pretty fuскеd up.

0 0

News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

Punctuation can really change a sentence.
For example, “Let’s eat kids” becomes “Let’s eat punctuation”.

0 0

Kids Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a вееr. The preacher who lived across the street saw the вееr and came over to harass the kid.
“Aren’t you a little young to be drinking, son?” he asked.
“That’s nothing,” the kid said after taking a swig of вееr. “I got laid when I was three.”
“What? How did that happen?”
“I don’t remember. I was drunк.”

0 0

Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Kid: I want a dragon for christmas.
Santa: Be realistic.
Kid: Ok, I want a loyal girlfriend.
Santa: What color dragon do you want?

0 0

Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Christmas Jokes

I saw a kid getting beaten up by 4 gang members, so I helped out. … …
…
…
He didn’t stand a chance against the 5 of us.

0 0

Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes