Lawyer Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are
Things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
Now published by
Court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while
These exchanges were actually taking place.
What is your date of birth?
July 15th.
What year?
Every year.
How old is your son, the one living with you?
Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
How long has he lived with you?
Forty-five years.
- _______________________________
What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
Woke up that morning?
He said,
"Where am I, Cathy?"
And why did that upset you?
My name is Susan.
- _______________________________
How was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
- ________________________________
Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
Deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
- ________________________________
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
A pulse?
No.
Did you check for blood pressure?
No.
Did you check for breathing?
No.
So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
Began the autopsy?
No.
How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.
“I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within.”
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, “I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000.”
The doctor then said, “I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000.”
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don’t see how you could dare to go against that man’s final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount.”
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Some of the Stupidest Things Lawyers and Witnesses Actually Said In a Court of Law
~~~~~~~~~~
* Accused, (Defending His Own Case “Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?”
( The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.)
~~~~~~~~~~
* Lawyer:
“What is your date of birth?”
* Witness:
“July 15th.”
* Lawyer:
“What year?”
* Witness:
“Every year.”
~~~~~~~~~~
* Lawyer:
“Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?”
* Witness:
“There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet.”
* Lawyer:
“Can you identify the rifle?”
* Witness:
“Yes. There was something written on the side of it.”
* Lawyer:
“And what did the writing say?”
* Witness:
“‘Winchester’!”
~~~~~~~~~~
* Lawyer:
“What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?”
* Witness:
“Gucci sweats and Reeboks.”
Lawyer Jokes
What do you call ?
A Sindhi lawyer?
Case-wani
A Sindhi lawyer after a case?
Purse-wani
A blue-skier Sindhi?
Akash-wani
What is a communist Sindhi called?
Lalwani.
What is a Sindhi who falls from the first floor called?
Thadani.
What is a Sindhi who falls from the 17th. floor called?
Kriplani.
What is a Sindhi who falls from the 30th. floor called?
Marjani.
What is the most noteworthy contribution of the Sindhis’ to Hindustani Music? Raga Kirvani.
A God fearing Sindhi?
Bhagwandas Godwani
A Sindhi painter?
Sadarangani A
Sindhi chef?
Papadmull Kukreja
A Sindhi electrician?
Voltram Bijlani A
A fashionable Sindhi?
Jogio Armani
A Sindhi milkman?
Gopal Dudeja
A heroic Sindhi soldier?
Hiroo Sipahimalani
A Sindhi реsт control contractor?
Khatmull Marwani
A Sindhi stripper working in New York?
Barbra Jhangiani
A Sindhi casanova?
Prem Kissinchandani
A Sindhi fire-engine?
Bhambhani
A Sindhi detergent?
Neelam Rindani
A Sindhi postman?
Mailwani
A forgetful Sindhi?
Bulo Bhulchandani
A fashionable Sindhi?
Primlani
A fат Sindhi?
Hathiramani
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