Little Johnny - Page 4

A teacher said to her class, "Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it. This one is round and red."
Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored.
"It's a plum miss," said a girl.
"no it's an apple, but i like your thinking.
The next one is oval shaped and green."
The teacher ignored Little Johnny again and a boy said, "It's a kiwi miss."
No, it's a guana, but i like your thinking."
Little Johnny said, " I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and with a red nib."
"Johnny, that's disgusting!" shouted the teacher.
" no it's a match, but i like your thinking." Said Little Johnny.

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The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable.
Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?
After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day
Does anyone know another word.
I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
Ok Mike, what is your word.
Saturday. says, Mike.
Great, that has three syllables.
Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says " I know a four syllable word, pick me....."
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K.
Johnny what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful"
No Maam, your thinking of вlоw job, and that's only two syllables.

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Boss: *Shouting* "Little Johnny come to my office right now..."
Little Johnny: "Yes sir"!
Boss : "Little Johnny, I saw you arguing with the customer that just left. I have told you before that the customer is always right. Do you understand me?"
Little Johnny: "Yes sir!, the customer is always right".
Boss : "So what were you arguing about with that customer?"
Little Johnny: "He said my boss is sтuрid and an idiот sir"!
Boss: "That bustard. What did u say to him?"
Little Johnny: "I told him he's right

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Little Johnny Jokes Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it.
He says, "Hey, Dad! What are you doing?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah?
Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage.
The milkman filled her this morning."

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Parent Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"

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Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A Concerned mother warns her little boy, "don't look at nакеd women or you'll turn to stone."
Johnny loved his mother, and as such decided not to look at nакеd women.
But one day johhny and his friend were walking along a beach, and saw a woman sunbathing nакеd.
Johnny remembered what his mother said, and turned and ran away from the woman.
his friend finally catches up to him and asks why he ran.
Johnny told his friend what his mother said, and then added, "and it must be true, because when i saw that woman I felt myself going rock hard in my trousers

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Little Johnny Jokes Friendship Jokes

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months."
Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

One day while Johnny's dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, "Dad what's that hanging between your legs?"
"Oh Johnny that's my nerve and your's will be this big one of these days", replies Johnny's dad.
Anyway the next day while in school Johnny really had to рее so he raised his hand and said, "Miss I really need to go to the bathroom."
"No, not yet there's someone gone", says his teacher.
Not able to hold it in Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to рее.
Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can in front of the whole class the teacher says, "My Johnny you have some nerve!"
Johnny says,"That's nothing you should see my fathers."

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Dad Jokes

"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"
"One dollar." answered little Johnny.
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."

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Little Johnny Jokes Money jokes Dad Jokes Math Jokes School Jokes

The teacher was asking the end of the day question that she asks every Friday.
If the student got it right they would not have to go to school on Monday.
Little Johnny Was determined to answer correctly.
So he painted two black marbles black and rolled them to the teachers feet.
All of a sudden she Shouted out, "Who's the commedian with the black ваlls?".
Johnny shouted out, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday suckas!".

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him:
"May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!"
Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny:
"Have you heard your Granny's wish?
So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac!
Those 4 steps will not save ya!"

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Sick and Death Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Birthday Jokes

Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card."
Johnny: "I don't have it."
Johnny's father: "Why not?"
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

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Parent Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday Mass when he suddenly felt nauseous.
"Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!"
She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you."
So Little Johnny hauled аss for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.
"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom.
Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE
SICK.''

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Gross Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Church jokes American Presidents Humor

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sеx and asks, "What are you doing?"
His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card."
A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father маsтurватing. He asks, "What are you doing?"
His father says, "I'm playing cards."
"Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks.
His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes

A salesman rings the door веll and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman, "Can I see your dad?"
Johnny, "No, he's in the shower."
Salesman, "What about your mother? Can I see her?"
Johnny, "Nope. She's in the shower, too."
Salesman, "Do you think they'll be out soon?"
Johnny, "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fuскs the stork?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Сhrisт, are you still in there?!'"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes God Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman.
"The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

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Little Johnny Jokes Police Officer Jokes