Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

My husband said he wanted more space.
So I locked him outside.

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Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs.
Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’
‘No,’ replies his wife.
‘Have you?’

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart.
I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated.
Won’t you please consider coming back to me?
You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill.
I can never marry another woman quite like you.
I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?
I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P. S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

He never got married.
He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Yo momma’s so fат, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

What do you call a соw who argues with her husband?
A bullfighter.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

A couple days ago, I was crossing this bridge, and there was this character standing there with a cup in his hand. He goes, Hey, can you help out my wife and family? I said, Sure. And I pushed him off the bridge.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Insult Jokes One-Liner Jokes

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Insult Jokes Food Jokes One-Liner Jokes Friendship Jokes

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said,
"I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

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Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Lawyer Jokes Priest Jokes

Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

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Sports Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Soccer Jokes

Sатаn appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."Sатаn asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.Sатаn asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

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Men vs Women Jokes Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless раnтiеs and goes home to surprise her husband.
When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new раnтiеs. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"
The old man says, "Неll no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon. Two days into the weeklong trip, the wife goes to the front desk and demands a car to take her to the airport.
A few hours later, the husband strolls past the front desk.
The manager asks why his wife has left the island. "Were you not having a good time?"
The man replies, "Well, I've been having the best time of my life, but it's been with the maid."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Aviation Jokes Boss Jokes

Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed.
Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.
She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached?
I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg.
Jill wasn't having any of it.
"Do you think I don't like variety?
I wanted poached this morning!"

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Love Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!

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Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
Marriage.

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Relationship Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

A Lalu originally from Bihar now in USA went to India and brought a physiologically checked out virgin from a small happy town as wife.
Ideal Lalu decided to have first night in USA.
He prepared her, took their all clothes off and was ready to реnетrате for inтеrсоursе and young bride stopped him.
"What are you trying to do," she asked.
Lalu explained the spousal sеx.
The bride said, "In that case try my back hole it will be lots of fun for you."

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes