Men vs Women Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Срещнала Марийка Понокио и започнала да го моли: На някои девойки им харесваше, когато Пинокио си пъхаше носа не където трябва и при това още и лъжеше. - Зошто Снежана била избркана од Дизни? Pinocchio and Raggedy Ann Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face? A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!" ¿Qué le dice Caperucita Roja a Pinocho mientras están haciendo un 69?. Некоторым девочкам нравилось, когда Пиноккио совал свой нос куда не следует и при этом еще и врал. Schneewittchen trifft Pinocchio Rotkäppchen hüpft durch den Wald und ist total geil.Da sieht sie Pinoccio durch den Wald gehen. Plötzlich stürmt sie auf ihn los, und schmeißt ihn zu Boden. Dann zieht sie ihr Höschen aus, setzt... Geht Rotkäppchen dir den Wald und ist so richtig geil. Trifft sie Ponocchio, setzt sich nackt auf sein Gesicht und schreit: „Lüg mich an, Lüg mich an!“ Blanche Neige a été virée de Disneyland... Motif invoqué par la Direction :  'S'est mise assise sur le nez de Pinocchio et lui a demandé de dire des mensonges' Πινόκιο Τι λέει η χιονάτη στο πινόκιο ενώ κάθεται στην μύτη του; La fata turchina sta facendo il bagno nella vasca. – Pinocchio portami una saponetta ! – grida non trovandola. Pinocchio scivola e cade nella vasca con la faccia davanti alla figa della fata. La... Biancaneve è stata cacciata dal regno delle favole...è stata pizzicata davanti al naso di pinocchio..nuda...dicendo: "nega bastardo nega!!!" - Бреши! - Кричала Мальвіна, сидячи на обличчі у Буратіно. Деяким дівчатам подобалося, коли Піноккіо сунув свого носа куди не слід ще й при цьому брехав. Idzie Czerwony Kapturek przez las i widzi Pinokia. Łapie go za szmaty, rzuca o ziemie, siada na twarzy i krzyczy: - Kłam Pinokio, kłam... Snövit har fått sparken från Disney, hon togs på bar gärning då hon satt på ansiktet på Pinocchio och skrek: Ljug din jävel, ljug!! - Varför fick Snövit sparken från Disney? - Dom hittade henne över Pinocchios näsa, skrikandes: - Ljug din jävel, ljug...
Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes
Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes
Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think.
I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes God Jokes Men jokes
One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"
Bridge to Hawaii A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. While walking along a beach, a man finds a lamp and rubs it off. A genie appears and offers to grant the man one wish. A man was strolling along a beach in California. A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man... Der Geist in der Flasche À Brest, un retraité est en train de biner son jardin lorsqu'il tombe sur une vieille lampe à huile, comme celle d'Aladdin. En man är ute och promenerar på en strand i Kalifornien och funderar över livet när han helt plötsligt utbrister: - "Herre, uppfyll en önskan åt mig!" Plötsligt fylls himlen av mörka moln över hans huvud och han hör Gud säga med mörk röst: -... Een man wandelde op het strand en was in diep gebed verzonken. Plots zei hij luidop: "God, laat me één wens doen". De lucht brak open boven zijn hoofd en de luide stem van God riep: "Omdat jij mij... Mies kulki yksinään rannalla ja löysi pullon lojumassa hiekassa. Hän kurkottui poimimaan pullon ja veti korkin ulos. Savupilven keskeltä tuli esiin henki. Henki kiitti nopeasti miestä vapaudestaan...
Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes
A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive.
The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!."
"No worries," replies the clerk.
"We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs."
"Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent.
With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen.
In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen.
She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing?" she asks.
"Well," says the husband.
"If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner.
"Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different."
The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede.
"Really?" says the man "How much?"
The owner informs him that the talking centipede is 50.
Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home.
On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says, "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says nothing.
Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.
An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede again says nothing.
Starting to get suspicious the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund.
An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says "I heard you the first time you моrоn! I'm putting my shoes on!"
Мъж в зоомагазин: A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100."
Money jokes Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Dog jokes
Gross Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes
Една лекарка не може да заспи. Разговор между двама доктора: Един лекар до късно през нощта не може да заспи. Мъчи го съвестта и все си мисли: Лиценца A voice inside said to me: ”Calm down, you are not the first doctor who sleeps with his patient!” As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian." женщина-врач не может заснуть - в ней спорят совесть и разум.... Чувство вины мучило доктора Х. весь день. Внутренний голос уговаривал его: Разговаривают два врача: - Слыхал, Петровича уволили? - За что? - С пациентками спал. - Жаль, хороший был ветеринар. Der Arzt der träumte Ein Arzt sitzt verstört in seiner Praxis und macht sich schreckliche Vorwürfe, da er gerade mit einer Patientin Sex hatte. Von Schuldgefühlen geplagt taucht auf ein mal ein kleines Teufelchen auf... Zwei Ärzte unterhalten sich. Meint der eine: "Verdammt, mir geht's gar nicht gut!" "Warum das denn?" fragt der zweite. "Na ja, ich Idiot hab letzte Woche ein Verhältnis mit einer meiner... Guy s'était senti coupable toute la journée. Même en essayant d'oublier de toutes ses forces. Il n'y parvenait pas et ce sentiment l'envahissait toujours. De temps en temps, il entendait cette petite voix au fond de lui qui essayait de le rassurer :"Ne t'en fais pas Guy, tu n'es pas le premier... Deux médecins discutent : "-Hier, j'ai encore couché avec une patiente. - Comment peux-tu ?! - Hé Ho! Je ne suis pas le seul à coucher avec des patientes - Oui mais toi tu es vétérinaire..." Επαγγελματική δεοντολογία!!! Uzun ve yorucu bir ask ve sevisme seansindan sonra doktor az otesinde Uyuklayan hastasina bakarken birden cok fena halde sucluluk duygusuna Kapilmis. Panikler gibi olunca icini rahatlatmak icin... Dokter Serge heeft sex gehad met één van zijn patiënten en hij voelt zich al de hele dag schuldig. Het maakt iet uit hoeveel moeite hij doet om het te probeerden te vergeten, zijn schuldgevoelens...
Gross Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sex Jokes Morbid jokes
Въпрос: Защо женените мъже надебеляват? Каква е разликата между омъжена и неомъжена жена? Защо ергените са по слаби от оженените? Why are marriend women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator. ¿Por qué un soltero esta más flaco que un casado? Porque el soltero va a la nevera y como no le gusta lo que ve va a la cama. En cambio el casado va a la cama y como no le gusta lo que ve va a... Warum sind Junggesellen schlanker? Unterschied verheiratet oder nicht Gewichtsproblem Zwei ehemalige Schulkameraden treffen sich nach 30 Jahren wieder. Warum sind Junggesellen schlanker und Ehemänner dicker? Der Junggeselle kommt Nachhause, schaut, was sich im Kühlschrank befindet und genießen dann, was im Bett ist. Der Ehemann kommen Nachhause,... - En fait c'est très simple : Pourquoi les hommes mariés prennent-ils du poids, alors que les célibataires restent maigres ? - Les célibataires ouvrent leur frigo, ny trouvent rien qui leur plaise, alors ils retournent au lit. - Les hommes mariés vont au lit, ny trouvent rien qui leur plaise, alors ils vont au frigo... Pourquoi les célibataires sont maigres ? et pourquoi les hommes mariés sont gros ? Tout simplement parce que le célibataire, quand il rentre chez lui, il ouvre le frigo,il fait "BOF", et il va se... Quelle est la différence entre un célibataire Maigre et un homme marié gros ? - Quand le célibataire rentre chez lui, il ouvre le frigo, Regarde, dit: Bof et va se coucher. Quand le marié va se... Γιατί οι παντρεμένες γυναίκες είναι πιο παχουλές από τις ανύπαντρες; Γιατί ο παντρεμένος άντρας ειναι πιο παχύς από έναν εργένη; Οι παντρεμένοι ΠΑΝΤΡΕΜΕΝΟΙ ΚΑΙ ΕΡΓΕΝΗΔΕΣ Το φως του μπάνιου... Παντρεμένοι-Ανύπαντροι Um sujeito gordo e outro magro conversavam. Diz o gordo: — Como é que você consegue se manter assim, magrinho? — É que eu sou solteiro. Quando chego em casa vou para a geladeira e como nunca tem nada que presta, vou para cama. — E você, por que é tão gordo? — É que eu sou casado. Quando chego em... P: Pq o homem casado é mais gordo q o homem solteiro ? Pq o homem solteiro chega em casa, vai para a cozinha, abre a geladeira, ve q tem sempre a mesma coisa e vai durmir e o homem casado chega em... Jaka jest różnica między mężczyzną kawalerem, a mężczyzną żonatym? - Kawaler wraca po ostro zakrapianej nocy do domu, zagląda do lodówki, tam nic ciekawego, idzie do łóżka. Żonaty wraca po ostro... Singelkvinnor kommer hem, ser efter vad som finns i kylen och går och lägger sig Gifta kvinnor kommer hem, ser efter vad som finns i sängen och går till kylskåpet Varför väger gifta kvinnor mer än singelkvinnor? Singelkvinnor kommer hem, ser vad de har i kylskåpet och går i säng, medans gifta kvinnor kommer hem och ser vad de har i sängen och går till... Om welke reden zouden de getrouwde vrouwen steeds verzwaren, terwijl de celibataire vrouwen altijd vermageren? Eigenlijk is dat zeer eenvoudig: - De celibataire vrouw gaat naar de frigo, vindt... Waarom zijn getrouwde vrouwen over het algemeen dikker dan vrouwen die vrijgezel zijn? Vrouwen die vrijgezel zijn komen thuis, kijken wat er in de koelkast staat en gaan naar bed. Getrouwde vrouwen... Hvorfor er det at gifte kvinder de vejer meget mere end single kvinder? – Det er selvfølgelig fordi at single kvinder kommer hjem, ser hvad der er i køleskabet, og går dernæst i seng. Gifte kvinder... Vet du hva forskjellen på en gift og en singel mann er? En singel mann kommer trøtt og sliten hjem og sjekker hva som er i kjøleskapet før han legger seg i sengen. En gift mann kommer hjem og ser... Minkä takia parisuhteessa elävät naiset ovat yleensä lihavampia kuin sinkkunaiset? - Kun sinkkunaiset ensin katsovat, mitä jääkaapissa on, he päättävät sitten mennäkin mieluummin sänkyyn. Ja kun... Miksi naimisissa olevat naiset ovat lihavampia kuin sinkut? - Kun sinkkunainen tulee kotiin, hän katsoo mitä on jääkaapissa ja menee sänkyyn. Kun naimisissa oleva nainen tulee kotiin, hän katsoo...
Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes