Money jokes - Page 72

Mom: Wherever, we keep the money our son always finds it and takes it where else can we ever put it!?
Dad: Hmm.. why don't you just put it in his book's its not like he ever touches them! Mom: Your a genius!
Dad: Неll yeah, I am.

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Parent:
"Why did you swallow the money I gave you?"
Child:
"Well, you did say it was my lunch money."

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Money jokes Kids Jokes

One night in a bar a man walked up to the barman and said "you see that glass in the other end of the bar? I bet you $100 I can рiss in it from here." the barman says "you're on !" so the guy starts to рiss everywhere on everyone even the barman, exept for the glass. "Ha!" says the barman. "you owe me $100" so the guy says "wait here." and he walks to a pool table and gets money from someone and they laugh. "here it is" the man says. "thanks. By the way, why did you two laugh ? you lost the bet"
"Oh" says the man. "I bet him $1000 i could рiss everywhere in the bar and even on you and you'd still be smiling"

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Money jokes Men jokes

A woman in Atlantic City was losing at the roulette wheel. When she was down to her last 10 dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. “Why don’t you play your age?” he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table.
The next thing the guy with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over. “Did she win?” he asked. “No” replied the attendant. “She put 10 dollars on 33 and 46 came in.”

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Jokes about Women Money jokes

I'm tired of hearing about how America's a bully. America is not a bully. Bullies beat you up and take your money, and that is not what America does. America gives you money -- and then we beat you up. We're the mob. We just kinda wait for the check to clear, then we show up going, 'Hey, you got a real nice f**king country here. Be a shame if something happened to it.'

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Money jokes USA Jokes

Money not buying you happiness?
Wire it into my account and I’ll send you pictures of how happy it makes me.

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Money jokes

OK, you know the drill about the old lamp, the Djinni and the wishes so let’s go straight to the joke.
Djinni: Whats your first wish?
Dave: I wish I was rich.
Djinni: Granted, what’s your second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money.

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Money jokes Stupid Jokes

A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her class, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?"
"No!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven?"
Again the answer was "No!"
"Well", she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

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School Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes

We live in a culture where a рrоsтiтuте on the street can earn more money than a school teacher. That's disgraceful. We have to start paying prostitutes as poorly as we do school teachers.

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School Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes

Insult: Your so UGLУ that when you were born, the surgeon was just about to drop kick you out the window when your parents scream "WAIT WE NEED THE CHILD SUPPORT MONEY!!!".

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Money jokes Insult Jokes

Yo mama is so fат that every year Japan gives her money to stop swimming in the sea because of the danger of a tsunami.

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Money jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

I didn't understand that. How could something get closer to zero forever? It didn't make sense to me until I got some credit card bills.

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Money jokes

Therapist: So, what's the problem?
Girlfriend: He just uses me for sеx.
Boyfriend: She is just using me for my money.
Therapist: So, what's the problem?

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Money jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I'm rich; what am I supposed to do, hide it?

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Money jokes

“I’m fed up with this life,” said my friend, “I’m going to end it all and take an overdose tonight and just be done with it.”
“Now just you wait before you do that!” I said. “You’ve had a hugely successful life. You have a beautiful wife and daughter. You have a lovely house filled with anything money can buy, so just let me ask you one important question before you go and off yourself”
“Ok?”….
“Can I have your stereo?”

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Money jokes Friendship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

You know what's pretty cool? When you put on a jacket that you haven't worn in a long time, and you find a $20 bill in the pocket that you didn't know was gonna be there; then, you buy yourself some wееd to celebrate. That happened to me tonight when I borrowed my friend's jacket.

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Money jokes Friendship Jokes

There are two rules for success: 1) Don't tell all you know.

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Money jokes

I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.

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Money jokes

Mother: Did you behave well in church today, Marjie?
Marjie: I certainly did. A nice man offered me a plate full of money, and I said,
"No thank you."

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Religion jokes Money jokes Men jokes

I love performing in Manhattan. I've been trying to get an apartment here for two years. They won't let me in. I mean, I knew it would be expensive, but I just assumed that for $2,000 a month, the toilet would be inside the apartment.

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Money jokes