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Money jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Just kissing a girl on a night out is like buying a scratchcard and getting your money back…. Ye you’re getting something but it’s not what you want.
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Money jokes Dating Jokes
I got in trouble with American Express. They said to start leaving home without it.
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Money jokes
A neighbor asked his friend, who was celebrating 50 years of marriage, what the secret was to a long and happy marriage?
His friend replied, "When we were first married, we vowed to go out twice a week no matter how little money we had and we have done so for 50 years."
"Twice a week, you say?"
"Yeah. She goes out on Tuesday and I go out on Friday."
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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes
The name of this song is 'Things We Want to Know.' The first verse is things men want to know about women; second verse is things women want to know about men. Here are the guys:
'Why do you think you're so pretty? And why do you wear the раnтy hose? And why do you drink so much and don't have no money? And why do you mess with my stereo?' Here are the ladies:
'Why are all your friends so sтuрid? And why don't you wipe the toilet seat? Why is your fantasy to be with two women -- and you can't handle me?'
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Jokes about Women Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes
I knew it was a waste of money buying a top of the range sеx-doll for my twelve year old son, one with fully functioning аnus and mouth.
He seemed more interested in playing with the box.
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Money jokes Sex Jokes
Not very many dyкеs dropping by Rosie O’Donnell’s house lately. No amount of money can retain them. …
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Rosie has simply grown too big for her вiтсhеs…
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Money jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes
Friend: Is that one of thoose ugly paintings that are worth a lot of money?
Other Friend: No it's called a Mirror
Friend: ..................
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Money jokes Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes
Nothing says' I love my dog' quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.
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Money jokes Animal Jokes
Driving back from Vermont, I stopped at a vegetable stand. It was deserted except for a sleeping German shepherd.
I stepped over the dog, helped myself to some corn, then opened the cash box to pay.
Taped to the inside of the lid was this note:
"The dog can count."
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Money jokes
A man walks into a bar and see's a big line up in front of a horse. Beside the horse is a big barrel of money.
The man walks to the back of the line and asks the last person.. 'whats with the horse and the line?'
Person:
'well, if you can make the horse laugh you win the money'
So the man stands in line and sure enough no one can make the horse laugh. When it finally reaches his turn he miraculously makes the horse laugh thus winning the barrel of money.
The same man walks into the same bar a week later and notices that there is another large line up in front of the same horse and another barrel of money next to it.
The man goes to the last person in line and asks 'so you have to make the horse laugh again?'
Person:
'Nope.. now you have to make him cry'
So the man stands in line and sure enough no one can make the horse cry. Finally when the man's turn comes up he manages to make the horse cry and wins another barrel of money.
The man then proceeds to order a round of drinks to celebrate his achievement. The bartender then asks 'so.. how did you do it?'
Man:
'do what?'
Bartender:
'how did you make the horse laugh and cry like that?'
Man:
'well.. to make the horse laugh... i told him my соск was вiggеr than his.. to make him cry.. i showed him it'.
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Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes
I came into a lot of money recently... Which is weird, because I usually use a paper towel.
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Money jokes Dirty jokes
Take five female pigs, and put them with five male deer.
You would have ten sows and bucks!
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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes
I have one of these bodies that cracks all the time. I move my neck, it cracks -- or my elbow, my back. I don't care, really. I make money on the side as an exotic dancer for the blind.
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Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes
Ollie died, so Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ollie. ….
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Lena replied, “You yust put ‘Ollie died’.” …
…
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, “That’s it? Just ‘Ollie died?’ Surely, there must be something more you’d like to say about Ollie. If its money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more.”
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, “O. K. You put ‘Ollie died. Boat for sale.’ “
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Money jokes Stupid Jokes
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again?
If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?.
Your father must be a thief, he stole the stars and put them in your eyes
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
- ” Do you belivev in love at first site, or do i need to walk by again?” Comback: I have an idea, walk by again and keep going!
Man: I’d like to call you. What’s your number? Woman: It’s in the phone book. Man: But I don’t know your name. Woman: That’s in the phone book too.
Man: So what do you do for a living? Woman: Im a female impersonator.
Man: Haven’t we met before? Woman: Perhaps, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.
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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes
Hank was not too bright. Everyday when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.
Finally, Hank decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again. He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well to defend himself.
So, one day, on the way home from work Hank took his old route home and sure enough there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued. The next afternoon Hank went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip. His instructor, shocked, asked him what happened.
"Well," explained Hank, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat these guys up who were stealing my money, but they beat me up before I could get my shoes and socks off!"
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Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Money jokes Men jokes
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You cant beetah the cheetah
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Money jokes Animal Jokes
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators, One night he has a party and says,“whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars.” some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says,“wow I can’t believe you did it! So whats your prize?” the guy says,“I don’t care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the B@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!”
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Money jokes
A teacher asked his students a math question.
“You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?”
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
“One dollar!” she said
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Money jokes
If I had a dollar for every gender I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
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Money jokes
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