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One-Liner Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Boss - Do you think you can come in on Saturday? I know you enjoy your weekends but I need you here.
Me - Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as public transport on weekends is slow.
Boss - What time will you get here?
Me - Monday.
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes Boss Jokes
A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there.
The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?"
The man replies,
"No, just spots."
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He’s the new temp!
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One-Liner Jokes
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said,
"I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
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Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes
What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Terrorist jokes Lawyer Jokes Black People Jokes
Father: "Why did you fail your mathematics test?"
Son: "On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8."
Father: "So?"
Son: "On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8... If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?"
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School Jokes One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes
THE DA VINCI CODE (abridged version for blondes)

There is no greater mystic power
Than the scent that rises from a woman's flower
But its glory quickly fades away
Be wise, young ladies - and seize the day!
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Wife: "I am going out for two hours. Do you want anything?"
Husband: "No, that's enough."
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Скъпи,излизам за около два часа, искаш ли нещо? - Не,мила, това е достатъчно...
Marriage and Family Jokes One-Liner Jokes
"Armstrong," the boss said, "I happen to know that the reason you didn't come to work yesterday was that you were out playing golf."
"That's a rotten lie!" Armstrong protested. "And I have the fish to prove it!"
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Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes Boss Jokes
Curiosity killed the cat. Chuck Norris killed Curiosity.
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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A man goes to the doctor and says,
"Doc, everybody ignores me..."
And the doctor says,
"Next please..."
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Един влиза при психиатър. Игнорирање Докторе има еден проблем, никој не ме приметува. Докторот: Следен... Patient comes to the doctor. Doctor: So, what concerns you? Patient: Dr, everyone ignores me! Doctor: Next! Lol!! Un hombre entra en la consulta del médico: - Doctor, tengo un problema terrible, mi autoestima está por el suelo. Nadie me hace caso, es como si no existiera... - Siguiente! Llega un señor al doctor y le dice: Señor, señor, todo el mundo me ignora. Y el doctor dice: El siguiente. Le dice un paciente al doctor Tilla: - Doctor, doctor, todo el mundo me ignora. - El siguiente... "Guten Tag, Herr Doktor, mein Problem ist, daß ich ignoriert werde. " Patient: „Herr Doktor, ich habe das Gefühl, keiner nimmt mich ernst.“ Der Patient zu seinem Psychiater: "Was soll ich nur tun? Alle Menschen ignorieren mich!" Darauf der Arzt: "Der Nächste bitte!" Patient: "Herr Doktor, Herr Doktor, alle ignorieren mich!" Doktor: "Der Nächste bitte." Ein Patient sagt zum Psychologen: „Mit mir will keiner reden!“ Der Psychologe: „Der Nächste bitte!“ Next ! Ο επόμενος Όλοι τον αγνοούν Γιατρέ, όλοι με αγνοούν... "Dottore dottore tutti mi ignorano" E il dottore: "Avanti il prossimo" — Лікарю, мене всі ігнорують. — Наступний! Przychodzi baba do lekarza i mówi: - Panie doktorze wszyscy mnie ignorują. - Następny prosze. Doktorn! Ingen vill prata med mig - Nästa! Patienten kommer in på doktorns mottagning: – Doktorn, alla ignorerar mig. – Nästa! Komt er een vrouw bij de dokter "dokter,ik word altijd overgeslagen." Dokter "volgende patient" "Doktor, doktor, jeg synes alle ignorerer mig!" "Næste!" Det er, som om jeg er usynlig "Doktor, mit problem er, at jeg føler mig totalt overset. Det er, som om jeg er usynlig!" Doktoren: "Næste!" – Doktor, jeg har et problem. Ingen legger merke til meg. – Værsågod neste. - Doktor, alle overser meg. - Neste! - Doktor úr, kérem szépen, segítsen! Engem mindenki semmibe vesz! - Remek, a következőt! - Domnule doctor, nimeni nu mă bagă în seamă, oare de ce? - Hai, următorul, vă rog. - Docture, pe mine toata lumea ma Ignora... - Urmatorul! Daktare mane visi ignoruoja. - Sekantis !
Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!
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One-Liner Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes
"After Thanksgiving dinner, I was as stuffed as a turkey!"
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One-Liner Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Nurse jokes
Policeman to Blonde: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Blonde: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: Dans quoi étiez-vous au moment de l'impact ? R : Un sweat-shirt Gucci et des Reeboks.
Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Police Officer Jokes
To confuse a blonde, stick her in a round room and tell herthere is a M&M in the corner.
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Confusing Blonde ¿Sabes cómo puedes mantener a un atlante en movimiento todo el día? Lo metes en un cuarto redondo y le dices que se siente en la esquina. Wie kann man eine blondine in den wahnsinn treiben man bringt sie in ein zimmer das nur runde ecken hat und sagt in der ecke ist ein hunderter schein Comment occupé une blonde pendant une heure? Il suffit simplement de lui demandé de chercher des coins dans une pièce ronde Δωμάτιο
Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Q: Why didn't the blonde drive her SUV to the cleaners?Because the commercial said, "This car won't take you to thecleaners."
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
How is a blonde different than a 747? Not everyone has been in a 747.
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Gemeinsamkeit einer Blondine und einer 747
Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
I'm already planning to be an аsshоlе on Monday!
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes
Bob Geldof ... no wonder he's such an expert on famine, he has been dining out on I Don't Like Mondays for thirty years.
Russell Brand
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Funny Quotes One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes
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