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One-Liner Jokes

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What plants like Halloween the most? Bam-BOO!
What do birds say on Halloween? Twick or tweet
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch!
Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy? He didn’t have the stomach for it!
What’s worse than being a five-ton witch on Halloween? Being her broom!
Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? It raises their spirits.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi.
What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests!
Why are vampires so easy to fool? Because they’re suckers.
What did the ghost say when the skeleton lied to him? I can see right through you.
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Halloween Jokes One-Liner Jokes School Jokes Vampire jokes
MONDAY: - Everybody hates me!
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes
I don’t work on monday’s, i make appearances
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
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Marriage and Family Jokes One-Liner Jokes Love Jokes
Man is incomplete until he’s married.
Then he’s finished.
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El hombre cuando es soltero es un animal incompleto, pero al casarse se convierte en un completo animal. Un hombre antes de casarse es hombre incompleto.... Después de casarse, es hombre acabado. En mann er ufullstendig helt til han er gift. Da er han ferdig.
Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
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Judge and Court Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
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Спират един шофьор и го глобяват за превишена скорост. Одого мужика застукали за пpевышение скоpости. Полицейский оштpафовал его на кpугленькую сумму и выписал мужику квитанцию. - Co mam zrobić z tym kwitkiem? - pyta kierowca, zaraz po zapłaceniu mandatu. - Proszę to zachować - odpowiada policjant. Jak Pan zbierze 10, to dostanie Pan rower.
Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
My friend's dad is a dentist.
This is his pumpkin for Halloween.
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One-Liner Jokes Halloween Jokes Dentist Jokes
I love you.
Is it you or the вееr talking?
It’s me. Talking to my вееr.
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Um homem sentado na varanda de sua casa com a esposa, diz:
Drinking and Drunk Jokes One-Liner Jokes Beer Jokes
Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Nurse jokes
Dear Monday:
I want to break up.
I am seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sorry.
It’s not me — it’s you
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes
Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Nurse: Have you seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Nurse jokes
Doctor: You have a disease, but we can treat it.
Patient: What’s the Cure?
Doctor: It’s an 80s rock band fronted by Robert Smith, but let’s try to stay focused...
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Music and Musician Jokes
A boxer went to a doctor for treatment of insomnia.
"Have you tried counting sheep?" suggested the doctor.
"It doesn't work," replied the boxer. "Whenever I get to nine, I stand up!"
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Sports Jokes Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A young woman gazed up from her hospital bed at the very handsome doctor who was examining her chart. She fluttered her eyelids and said, "They tell me that you are a real lady killer."
The doctor smiled and shook his head. "No, I make no distinction between the sexes."
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Sex Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
The famous sеx therapist was on the radio taking questions when acaller asked, "Doctor, I want to know why men always want to marry a virgin?"
To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
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Warum heiraten Männer am liebsten eine Jungfrau? Защо мъжете искат да се оженят за девствени жени? Varför vill män gifta sig med oskulder? - De tål inte kritik. - Pourquoi les hommes préfèrent épouser des vierges? Ils ne supportent pas la critique. Duas amigas conversam: — Querida, por que será que os homens preferem as virgens? — Claro, meu bem — responde a outra -, que é porque eles são incapazes de suportar críticas. Porque os homens querem se casar com virgens? Poruqe não suportam comparações... Hvorfor vil en mand ha en jomfru? – De kan ikke tåle kritik Perche’ gli uomini vogliono sposare le vergini? Per evitare i confronti. Dlaczego faceci chcą się żenić z dziewicami? - Bo nie mogą znieść krytyki. Perché gli uomini preferiscono sposare una vergine? Perché non gradiscono le critiche.
Sex Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes
Fact of Life: After Monday & Tuesday Even the Calendar says W T F
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes
Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): "I hired a lawyer for you this morning, Slim, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a retainer."
Slim: "Did he keep it?"
Pickpocket: "He thinks he did."
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Judge and Court Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Dear Santa, For this year I'm requesting a BIG bank account and a SMALL body.
P.S. Please don't mix them up like you did last year.
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Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes Banker Jokes
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