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One-Liner Jokes

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When you're having a good day and then you realise tomorrow is Monday.
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes
A blonde was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: "YES".
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Blonde's Salary A blonde was filling out a job application form. She quickly filled out the columns entitled: Name, Age, Address, etc. Finally, she came to the column: Salary Expected. She wrote, "YES."
Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
“I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.”
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes
Husband: I want divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Think about it once again. Wives like that are hard to get!
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Mujeres difíciles de encontrar Ще се развеждам с жената. Вече шести месец не ми говори. Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says: — Pai, vou me divorciar. Tem seis meses que minha mulher não fala comigo.,O pai fica em silêncio, bebe um gole de cerveja e diz:,— Pense bem, meu filho. Mulher assim é difícil de arranjar. - Ще се развеждам. Вече шест месеца жена ми не ми говори. - Ти си луд! Къде ще намериш друга такава жена? - Микола, ти знаєш, я розводжуся із дружиною. Вона вже шість місяців із мною не розмовляє. - Ну, що ти, Іван, одумайся! Де ти ще знайдеш таку дружину? Un tipo le dice a su abogado: - Quiero divorciarme. Mi esposa no me ha hablado en seis meses. El abogado le responde: - ¿Está usted seguro? ¡Esposas así no se consiguen fácilmente! Två män i Norrland sitter och pimplar och filosoferar på riktiga mäns vis och dricker öl. Efter att ha suttit stilla i några timmar så säger Jim till Tommy: – Hörrudu Tommy, jag tror att jag vill... Twee vrienden zitten in het caf?n drinken gezellig een biertje. Zegt Karel ineens: " Ik geloof dat ik van mijn vrouw ga scheiden." "Waarom?" vraagt Jan. "Wel, het is nu al bijna drie maanden dat... Разговараат Трпе и Цветко: - Морам да се разведам. Жена ми два месеци не ми зборува! - Треба да размислиш. Ретко се наоѓа таква жена... Twee mannen zijn lekker rustig aan het vissen met een paar biertjes erbij. Zachtjes, om de vissen niet af te schrikken, zegt Bob: “Ik denk dat ik ga scheiden van mijn vrouw. Ze heeft al twee... Jeg vil skilles fra min kone. Hun har ikke talt til mig i et halvt år. Tænk dig nu om. Den slags kvinder hænger ikke på træerne...
Judge and Court Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes
You might wonder why blonde nurses bring red crayons to work.
It's in case they have to draw blood. A comment from reddit user - Ethyques: Any crayon would work if it's sharp enough. Otherwise it would be pointless.
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Nurse jokes
Why, on average, is the IQ so high in Japan?
Have you ever seen a Japanese blonde?
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Защо средното IQ на японците е по високо? Въпрос към радио Ереван - Защо японците са толкова умна нация? Отговорът на радиото - Нямат блондинки. — Чому японці така розумна нація? — У них немає блондинок. - Miért olyan okosak a japánok? - ??? - Mert nincsenek köztük szőkék. Proč je Japonsko nejrozvinutější stát? Protože tam nemají blondýnky.
Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Japanese Jokes
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
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Chuck Norris spendet Blut Chuck Norris donne fréquemment du sang à la Croix-Rouge. Mais jamais le sien. When Chuck Norris donates blood, he gives twenty gallons. None of it is his own. Chuck Norris skänker regelbundet blod, dock aldrig sitt eget. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
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Днес беше ужасен ден. Бившата ми я удари автобус, а аз си загубих работата като шофьор на автобус
Dark Humor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes One-Liner Jokes Relationship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Morbid jokes
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes
I play the worlds most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Sports Jokes One-Liner Jokes Communication Jokes
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
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Рулет Руски рулет Chuck Norris spielt Russisches Roulette Chuck Norris joue à la roulette russe avec un chargeur plein. Chuck Norris once played himself in Russian Roulette, and he won. No Questions asked.
Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.
Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
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Ein ehrlicher Politiker, ein fleißiger Beamter und der großartige Weihnachtsmann finden einen 100-Euro-Schein. Wer darf ihn behalten? Der großartige Weihnachtsmann. Die beiden anderen existieren... Like før jul, var en ærlig politikker, en snill advokat og julenissen i heisen på et hotel. Like før dørene åpnet seg så alle 100kr som lå på golvet. Hvem tok den opp. Julenissen såklart, de to...
Judge and Court Jokes Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes Hotel Jokes
Monday been canceled go back to bed!
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes
My doctor was giving me a hard time about my health. To get back on his good side I bought a puppy and named him 'Five Miles'.
That way, when I went to see my doctor I could tell him, "I walk five miles every morning!"
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.
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Political Jokes One-Liner Jokes Life Jokes
Good Morning... Let the stress begin......
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Добро утро! И нека стреса започне СЕГА
One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes
A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline shouted, "12 Brazillian Soldiers Killed."
She shook her head at the sad news, then she turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazillian?"
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Military Jokes
Doctor: "Is your cough better this morning?"
Patient: "Yes. I've been practicing all night."
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В лекарския кабинет: При доктора. Doctor says to the patient: “Your coughing sounds much better.” Arzt zum Patienten: „Ihr Husten hört sich aber heute schon viel besser an!“ Patient: „Kein Wunder, Herr Doktor, ich übe ja auch Tag und Nacht!“ Lægen til patienten: ”Nå, din hoste lyder da meget bedre her til morgen.” Patienten: "Tak skal du have. Jeg har også øvet mig på den hele natten..." - Dziś kaszle pani o wiele lepiej niż wczoraj... - Tak, panie doktorze, bo ja przez całą noc trenowałam! - Βήχετε πιο άνετα σήμερα το πρωί. - Προπονιομουνα όλο το βράδυ γιατρέ. Az orvoshoz ellenőrzésre jön a beteg. Az orvos megállapítja: - Kiss úr! Ön ma már sokkal szebben köhög, mint a múlt héten. - Nem csoda kérem, egész héten gyakoroltam.
Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
An elderly man went t o his doctor and said:
"Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."
"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
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